Things are about to change.
I've been up and down and all over the place this past year when it comes to my schedule. Just over a year ago I left my structured, stable office job to do some random, spontaneous event planning. There are many things I have loved about having a flexible schedule and working from home. Nothing beats spending the morning in your PJs and taking a nap in the afternoon.
It's time to move on though, to what works best for me. I need structure, I need clear expectations, I need consistency. I've tired to set up a schedule for myself but I never stick to it. With no one holding me accountable, it's just much too easy to spend an extra 30 minutes on Facebook, or to put off calling that client who needs prices.
So even though I will greatly miss the ability to spend quality time at home and with friends, I think there will be great joys that come from finding my sanity again.
I've thought a lot about my flexible time, what I previously would have described as "freedom." What I discovered though is that there is no freedom in a chaotic schedule, for me. Without structure I'm a mess, I'm unproductive, and I'm stressed. I don't like the person I've been this past year. I've been lazy, I haven't been punctual, I haven't been a hard worker.
So for a crazy person like me, freedom comes from structure and consistency. I've already begun planning my new daily tasks. Between 5:30 am and 5:30 pm, I want my hours to look relatively the same. No more, "Mondays I'll do this, then Tuesdays I'll do this, and Wednesdays I'll start later" and so on. It doesn't work for me.
Office jobs are tedious and mundane, true. But I find joy in being organized, in checking things off my list, in seeing a color coded calendar. I know, again - crazy! But it's true.
I'm thankful for the new opportunity God has presented to me and am hopeful for an exciting year.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
Two Paths
It seems as though we have two different paths set before us that we could choose to take at this point in our lives. Well, sort of. We can't take either without some divine intervention, but if things were to work out these paths would be open options for us.
Path #1: Stay exactly where we are and keep living life as we have been for the past year, Jenni to get a more stable full-time job to provide for the family until Jeff graduates, potential to receive a child sooner if that job were to come along, may or may not get to keep the roommates since the house is small.
Path #2: Move to a bigger house in/near downtown Bryan, play a greater role in the community there, Jenni keep working at current job and start up side business, lots and lots of roommates, not sure what would happen with the adoption situation (may depend on finances).
Here's what I'm struggling with: Path #1 is safe, manageable, and predictable but overall could be pretty boring. Path #2 is terrifying, unknown, and challenging, but may be more exciting and lead to a more fulfilling life. The "Jesus" thing to do is Path #2, of course. The disciples followed him even though they didn't know what to expect and things would be really hard for them. That's the life we're supposed to live as well.
But deep down, in the center most parts of my soul, I don't feel that God is saying yes or no to either path. I feel like He's giving us a choice and no matter which one we choose He is going to be pleased with us. Path #1 may not put us smack dab in the middle of homelessville, but it will continue to give us opportunity to love on those we interact with every day at work and at home. So it would not necessarily be a bad choice.
That one seems like the easy choice though, the safe choice. I don't know if I'm ok with taking the path that would require less of me. But I also don't know if I'm prepared for the other, either. It would be hard, a lot of sacrifice, am I ready for that?
Good news is I can't really make any choice until the doors are opened, meaning we qualify to buy a house or I'm offered another job. I'm one that always like to think through the possibilities though so I know what my answer will be when that time comes. It's a little crazy, I know.
Path #1: Stay exactly where we are and keep living life as we have been for the past year, Jenni to get a more stable full-time job to provide for the family until Jeff graduates, potential to receive a child sooner if that job were to come along, may or may not get to keep the roommates since the house is small.
Path #2: Move to a bigger house in/near downtown Bryan, play a greater role in the community there, Jenni keep working at current job and start up side business, lots and lots of roommates, not sure what would happen with the adoption situation (may depend on finances).
Here's what I'm struggling with: Path #1 is safe, manageable, and predictable but overall could be pretty boring. Path #2 is terrifying, unknown, and challenging, but may be more exciting and lead to a more fulfilling life. The "Jesus" thing to do is Path #2, of course. The disciples followed him even though they didn't know what to expect and things would be really hard for them. That's the life we're supposed to live as well.
But deep down, in the center most parts of my soul, I don't feel that God is saying yes or no to either path. I feel like He's giving us a choice and no matter which one we choose He is going to be pleased with us. Path #1 may not put us smack dab in the middle of homelessville, but it will continue to give us opportunity to love on those we interact with every day at work and at home. So it would not necessarily be a bad choice.
That one seems like the easy choice though, the safe choice. I don't know if I'm ok with taking the path that would require less of me. But I also don't know if I'm prepared for the other, either. It would be hard, a lot of sacrifice, am I ready for that?
Good news is I can't really make any choice until the doors are opened, meaning we qualify to buy a house or I'm offered another job. I'm one that always like to think through the possibilities though so I know what my answer will be when that time comes. It's a little crazy, I know.
Friday, October 29, 2010
What A Beautiful Mess I'm In
Good ol' Diamond Rio came to mind on my drive to work this morning. I was actually listening to a different (very unrelated) song and the thought of "I'm living in a beautiful mess" came to mind.
If you asked us the typical, "how's life?" question over the past two months, you would have gotten some very different answers between then and now. Two months ago we probably would have said, "life's good, just normal, nothing going on." It was the truth. Now, however, I feel inclined to honestly answer the question by saying, "life's a little bit messy right now."
What has made life messy? I think a lot of it has to do with our desire to start the process of adopting a baby. Exciting, right?! It's also made us think a lot about our current situation and how there are quite a few things that need to change before we can have the "ideal" living environment.
1. Jenni needs a job that pays her enough to cover our monthly expenses and have a little left over to pay for a new baby.
2. It would be great to have more space to house a baby and college students.
3. Family concerns have made us realize just how hard it is going to be to raise an adopted child and to answer questions like, "why would you adopt, isn't that risky?"
It's easy for me to allow all those things to build into giant stress monsters, but God has graciously reminded me that I have nothing to worry about. He is always in control and knows our situation better than anyone. This is where the beautiful part comes in - there are so many things we have to be thankful for.
1. Jenni has a job! And she is able to provide for the majority of our monthly expenses. We've also been blessed with a decent-sized savings account to help with the rest. And, praise the Lord, Jeff has the opportunity to finish school right now so he can do something he loves later on to provide for our family.
2. We own a house! And our monthly mortgage payments are sooo cheap. We have been blessed with the opportunity to live with some really awesome guys the past year and a half. God has revealed to us our heart for community and our desire to love people by sharing our space with them. We hope to continue having people live with us even when there is a baby here.
3. Adoption will be hard at times. Parenting is hard at times. But it will also be so great! We'll have to learn how to have grace for those that don't understand adoption. We'll also get to share how much of a blessing it is, even with all the "risks" and how we hope to do it over again and again.
So that is what's on my mind this morning. I truly am living in a "beautiful mess" and my prayer is that God keeps me focused on the "beautiful" part of that. I'll leave with the words of that other song I was listening to, because it so clearly describes the reason why I am able to keep on keeping on every day.
_____________________________________________________________________________
You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
You are everything that I breathe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart
_____________________________________________________________________________
Nice.
If you asked us the typical, "how's life?" question over the past two months, you would have gotten some very different answers between then and now. Two months ago we probably would have said, "life's good, just normal, nothing going on." It was the truth. Now, however, I feel inclined to honestly answer the question by saying, "life's a little bit messy right now."
What has made life messy? I think a lot of it has to do with our desire to start the process of adopting a baby. Exciting, right?! It's also made us think a lot about our current situation and how there are quite a few things that need to change before we can have the "ideal" living environment.
1. Jenni needs a job that pays her enough to cover our monthly expenses and have a little left over to pay for a new baby.
2. It would be great to have more space to house a baby and college students.
3. Family concerns have made us realize just how hard it is going to be to raise an adopted child and to answer questions like, "why would you adopt, isn't that risky?"
It's easy for me to allow all those things to build into giant stress monsters, but God has graciously reminded me that I have nothing to worry about. He is always in control and knows our situation better than anyone. This is where the beautiful part comes in - there are so many things we have to be thankful for.
1. Jenni has a job! And she is able to provide for the majority of our monthly expenses. We've also been blessed with a decent-sized savings account to help with the rest. And, praise the Lord, Jeff has the opportunity to finish school right now so he can do something he loves later on to provide for our family.
2. We own a house! And our monthly mortgage payments are sooo cheap. We have been blessed with the opportunity to live with some really awesome guys the past year and a half. God has revealed to us our heart for community and our desire to love people by sharing our space with them. We hope to continue having people live with us even when there is a baby here.
3. Adoption will be hard at times. Parenting is hard at times. But it will also be so great! We'll have to learn how to have grace for those that don't understand adoption. We'll also get to share how much of a blessing it is, even with all the "risks" and how we hope to do it over again and again.
So that is what's on my mind this morning. I truly am living in a "beautiful mess" and my prayer is that God keeps me focused on the "beautiful" part of that. I'll leave with the words of that other song I was listening to, because it so clearly describes the reason why I am able to keep on keeping on every day.
_____________________________________________________________________________
You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
You are everything that I breathe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart
_____________________________________________________________________________
Nice.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Brave
We're entering the early stages of adoption - processing what to do, when to do, and how. There are A LOT of paths we could take and, while we have an idea of what we'd like to do, we are trying to stay open to all possibilities God might have for us.
One possibility is bringing in the children of women living on the streets in order to provide quality, loving care for their little ones while those moms sort through tough decisions about how they are going to live their lives and how they are going to take care of their children. This may or may not lead to adoption, the mission is more focused on loving those kids and their mama - hoping that she'll make the right choices and be the loving family those babies need.
The idea of bringing in “street babies” is noble but scary. It would be very difficult to work with kids who have experienced things I can’t even dream of. And then even more difficult to send them back into that environment, once Mom gets back on her feet. But after watching a video for one of the ministries that does this and seeing the faces of these babies, I don’t know how anyone would not be moved to want to help. The opportunity to give them real, genuine love during the vital parts of their developing years would be a privilege and a blessing to all. That time would be something those kids would take with them forever, that could possibly change their lives.
I heard Nicole Nordeman’s song “Brave” on the radio yesterday and started thinking about her words, “you make me want to be brave.” I don’t know what the song is about but I started to think about who I could say such a phrase to. I don’t believe I am a very brave person, I’m pretty scrawny and not too confident in my ability to defend or protect. Jeff doesn’t make me want to be brave, because he’s brave – he protects me so I don’t feel I have to be that for him. The same with Jesus, he’s brave, he’s my defender, so I don’t feel that I need to be the brave one.
But what about my babies. Who is their defender? Jesus, of course. But here on earth, who is going to protect them? Jeff will, but there will be times when I’m with our babies alone – and I’m going to need to be brave. I’m going to need to stand up for them and defend them spiritually, emotionally, and possibly even physically. I don’t feel ready in any way, shape, or form to take on such a task. But then, when I look at their faces, I can easily say, “you make me want to be brave.”
Help me brave, Lord.
One possibility is bringing in the children of women living on the streets in order to provide quality, loving care for their little ones while those moms sort through tough decisions about how they are going to live their lives and how they are going to take care of their children. This may or may not lead to adoption, the mission is more focused on loving those kids and their mama - hoping that she'll make the right choices and be the loving family those babies need.
The idea of bringing in “street babies” is noble but scary. It would be very difficult to work with kids who have experienced things I can’t even dream of. And then even more difficult to send them back into that environment, once Mom gets back on her feet. But after watching a video for one of the ministries that does this and seeing the faces of these babies, I don’t know how anyone would not be moved to want to help. The opportunity to give them real, genuine love during the vital parts of their developing years would be a privilege and a blessing to all. That time would be something those kids would take with them forever, that could possibly change their lives.
I heard Nicole Nordeman’s song “Brave” on the radio yesterday and started thinking about her words, “you make me want to be brave.” I don’t know what the song is about but I started to think about who I could say such a phrase to. I don’t believe I am a very brave person, I’m pretty scrawny and not too confident in my ability to defend or protect. Jeff doesn’t make me want to be brave, because he’s brave – he protects me so I don’t feel I have to be that for him. The same with Jesus, he’s brave, he’s my defender, so I don’t feel that I need to be the brave one.
But what about my babies. Who is their defender? Jesus, of course. But here on earth, who is going to protect them? Jeff will, but there will be times when I’m with our babies alone – and I’m going to need to be brave. I’m going to need to stand up for them and defend them spiritually, emotionally, and possibly even physically. I don’t feel ready in any way, shape, or form to take on such a task. But then, when I look at their faces, I can easily say, “you make me want to be brave.”
Help me brave, Lord.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Working at Home...Revised
Awhile ago (like back in March) I posted about all the glories of working at home. Things like a flexible schedule, casual dress code, ability to go to the store in the morning all made the list. And those aspects are certainly fabulous but now I am starting to think more about who I am and how I function, does this type of lifestyle produce the best in me?
I think the answer is no...plain and simple. I love the extra time I have but I've also found myself more stressed out, frustrated, and exhausted.
Here is why I think this has happened.
My personality type needs structure, I need to know exactly what is expected of me, what needs to be done, and when I need to do it. I work well serving other people because they can tell me what they want from me and there are very few big decisions I have to make on my own.
I am a hard worker, I've always prided myself on being efficient and productive in my work (not necessarily true at home though). I've worked since I was 11 and my parents passed down high expectations for my work ethic. Not trying to toot my own horn but almost every boss I have ever had has absolutely loved me. This is mostly because I do what I'm told, when I'm told to have it done, and I show up to work on time. Pretty simple, but hard for a lot of people to grasp.
Now I'm in this self-management, self-evaluate, self-motivate situation and it's not going so well. I just can't seem to get into a consistent routine which in turn means I'm not using my time well. This makes me feel like poo. Really.
So while I have more free time, I have been finding myself feeling blue during that time because I'm not sure what exactly I should be doing. And what's worse is many times I do know what I should be doing but cannot bring myself to get them done. I mean, when I have no deadline and no one waiting on me, why not wait until tomorrow, right? Ugh, I hate that attitude.
What to do now? I really don't know. The luxuries of working at home have been grand, but it's probably not worth it if I end every day feeling like a failure and just wanting to crawl back into bed (as if tomorrow will be any different). Is 8-5 calling my name? When will I go to the store?!
8-5 can also be great, if your personality is similar to mine. I used to go to work at the same time everyday (therefore I had a consistent morning routine and truly enjoyed that time), sit down with my list so I knew exactly what needed to be accomplished that day, then go home at the end of the day and forget all about work until the next morning. I was able to appreciate my time in the evenings and on the weekends because I knew I had gotten all of my work done and had nothing to worry about.
Bummer...
I guess you live and learn, find out more about who God made you to be, then embrace it.
Time to embrace.
I think the answer is no...plain and simple. I love the extra time I have but I've also found myself more stressed out, frustrated, and exhausted.
Here is why I think this has happened.
My personality type needs structure, I need to know exactly what is expected of me, what needs to be done, and when I need to do it. I work well serving other people because they can tell me what they want from me and there are very few big decisions I have to make on my own.
I am a hard worker, I've always prided myself on being efficient and productive in my work (not necessarily true at home though). I've worked since I was 11 and my parents passed down high expectations for my work ethic. Not trying to toot my own horn but almost every boss I have ever had has absolutely loved me. This is mostly because I do what I'm told, when I'm told to have it done, and I show up to work on time. Pretty simple, but hard for a lot of people to grasp.
Now I'm in this self-management, self-evaluate, self-motivate situation and it's not going so well. I just can't seem to get into a consistent routine which in turn means I'm not using my time well. This makes me feel like poo. Really.
So while I have more free time, I have been finding myself feeling blue during that time because I'm not sure what exactly I should be doing. And what's worse is many times I do know what I should be doing but cannot bring myself to get them done. I mean, when I have no deadline and no one waiting on me, why not wait until tomorrow, right? Ugh, I hate that attitude.
What to do now? I really don't know. The luxuries of working at home have been grand, but it's probably not worth it if I end every day feeling like a failure and just wanting to crawl back into bed (as if tomorrow will be any different). Is 8-5 calling my name? When will I go to the store?!
8-5 can also be great, if your personality is similar to mine. I used to go to work at the same time everyday (therefore I had a consistent morning routine and truly enjoyed that time), sit down with my list so I knew exactly what needed to be accomplished that day, then go home at the end of the day and forget all about work until the next morning. I was able to appreciate my time in the evenings and on the weekends because I knew I had gotten all of my work done and had nothing to worry about.
Bummer...
I guess you live and learn, find out more about who God made you to be, then embrace it.
Time to embrace.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
The Perfect House
Something has been brought to my attention though. If we found the "perfect house" and put our blood, sweat, and tears into fixing it up to be even more perfect - how much harder would it be to leave? Not that I think we're leaving soon, but I do struggle with feeling unsettled. I feel so very, very blessed to be in the place we are, with an incredible community, in a town that is just my size. But I can't help sensing that God's going to call us to move on someday. I mean what we have here is great, so shouldn't other places have that too? Is it possible we're here to learn about what "living life together" looks like, to gain support and knowledge, and then take those ideas to a new place and teach a new group of people? I think it's very possible, the idea of leaving just plain sucks - but it's very possible.
So with that in mind I've been thinking to myself, "I don't want to find the perfect house in the perfect neighborhood." It will already be hard enough to leave at some point, even harder if we've settled into the only house in the world that could possibly make us happy. Therefore, I've changed directions. Not that I've stopped looking at houses - that's not gonna happen! But I've starting looking at what house are out there that could be "good enough for now" when we are able to buy something bigger? The only reason we want something bigger is because we LOVE having people live in our house with us. And so far it's worked out in our tiny 2-bedroom town home. But we're hoping to bring babies into the house as well, and that is going to make everything more difficult. We'd rather not sacrifice the joy of living with other people, so when it's possible we'd like to find a place more suitable for that.
I also would like a place that doesn't need to be fixed up. Again, because it will be much harder to leave something we have put so much work into in order to make it exactly how we always imagined. It'd be a lot easier to move into a place that is ready to go, make a few updates to increase value, then sell it when we need to. My ideal "good enough for now" house would have two levels - the first level with the typical living/dining/kitchen areas. The master bedroom downstairs, connected to an office area, and then another bedroom down the hall for kids. Upstairs there would be two bedrooms with a bathroom and an open living area. I like the idea of our housemates being able to take some time to do their own thing, if they want to watch a movie, play video games, or whatever.
You know, I could be wrong. Perhaps we are meant to stay in Bryan-College Station forever and raise up people to send out and spread around the beautiful thing God is teaching us to do here. I don't think I'll know until Jeff is done with school - what he going to do and where he is going to do that will tell us a lot. We'll just keep praying for direction until then, and trying not to get attached to all of our things.
Monday, April 12, 2010
No News
I haven't been here in a while. Not because I don't have thoughts - I have lots of thoughts.
I've been a bit consumed with other things those. I'm currently working on two different blogs (other than this one). The first is an up and coming wedding blog for Bryan-College Station brides. I'm still in the planning stages but it should be online this summer.
The second is a health-related blog. I've gone on a nutritional journey to try to cure my bodily ailments by changing the way I eat. It's been tough and time consuming. You can read about my adventures here.
So yes I have thoughts, I should get them out somewhere, somehow, but now right now. Soon.
I've been a bit consumed with other things those. I'm currently working on two different blogs (other than this one). The first is an up and coming wedding blog for Bryan-College Station brides. I'm still in the planning stages but it should be online this summer.
The second is a health-related blog. I've gone on a nutritional journey to try to cure my bodily ailments by changing the way I eat. It's been tough and time consuming. You can read about my adventures here.
So yes I have thoughts, I should get them out somewhere, somehow, but now right now. Soon.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Community Thoughts
I had a bit of a revelation tonight that I need to jot down in order for my thoughts to make any sense.
Jeff and I love our church, it's a great church. We never thought we would find a place where people simply strive to live according to the Bible, to love God and one another above all other things. We've learned a lot there, met great people, we've been taken care of and encouraged. We've learned what it means to live in community with one another and to make that an important priority in our lives.
Tonight we were discussing the next group of "leavers" that would be graduating and moving onto bigger and better things. We were frustrated. Our church really pushes community - that God called us to live in unity with one another, to share everything we have and take care of one another. We simply can't do life alone. And I believe that 100%.
So why do people keep leaving? Don't they get it?! The world says you go to college, graduate, then move away to get a "real" job. We say the world doesn't know what they are talking about and sometimes being in community is more important than any job. So we get frustrated.
Whenever someones tells me they are leaving, I tend to have a typical tone that sounds something like, "oh...well...I'm not happy you're going but I'll try to be supportive." It's upsetting that they think they have to move on to new places rather than staying here and living life with us, even if it means they work at a coffee shop for the rest of their life!
Then it occurred to me that maybe I'm wrong.
I started to think about an organization called Team Expansion. They're located in Kentucky and their purpose is to send people off to plant new churches. Their process begins when people feel called to become a part of this group of believers and they move to Kentucky to spend 1-2 years preparing for their mission. Of course there has to be someone there to train them - that is what the people who have been called to live and stay in Kentucky do. These soon-to-be missionaries come in, they learn, they grow, they do life with the people in Kentucky and become equipped with the necessary skills to go plant churches elsewhere.
How ridiculous would it be if the people who live in Kentucky got upset every time someone left?! I mean that IS their mission - to raise people up, train them in the ways they need to go, and send them out. If they were to be upset with those people who now were leaving, I would say they have a problem!
Is this any different from what we do here in College Station, Texas? Jeff and I felt called to come here and minister to college students. College students are the ones in that "trainee" phase of life, being taught and shaped so God can take them and use them in many different areas. Yet we're upset and confused when people don't stay in town. The more I think about it, the more it really doesn't make sense!
If we would allow ourselves to see God's bigger plan, we would see our role in it as Equippers and Moblizers for greater things than we can imagine.
As we teach people what is looks like to earnestly seek God's direction, I also need to be open to the path God has for them. Some will feel called to stay - we need them so God will provide them. Some will feel called to go - the world needs them so God is trusting us to send them out.
The message that I need to be sending to those we encounter is: over the next few years, make your future a focal point in prayer. Don't adhere to the world's standard of - go to college, graduate, get a job. Prayerfully consider what God is calling you to do. Then work towards it, seek counsel, knowledge, experience, and learn to live in community. Equip yourselves to do it well.
Why am I missing this and becoming angry when people decide to go elsewhere? Am I being selfish - too focused on the pain of people leaving and not focused on a greater plan? Am I being prideful because I think it's great here and others should see that too? Am I simply just too busy and too tired to invest this kind of focused training? It's not like it's a one time thing, people are coming in all the time, every year.
In all this, I believe what the Spirit is laying on my heart is that my vision needs to be teaching, equipping, and sending people out with the knowledge of what community looks like so they can create it in new places. God will provide those to stay that are needed, we'll always have everything we need. It's never going to get easier, watching those you love leave is dreadful - but do I wallow in my sadness or do I rejoice in what God has planned?
I'm curious to see what this means for us as a couple. God's been working hard on the hearts of the people in our body - doing big things, changing things, breaking things. It's been rough. So maybe this is one area I need to let go of for the sake of following Jesus.
Jeff and I love our church, it's a great church. We never thought we would find a place where people simply strive to live according to the Bible, to love God and one another above all other things. We've learned a lot there, met great people, we've been taken care of and encouraged. We've learned what it means to live in community with one another and to make that an important priority in our lives.
Tonight we were discussing the next group of "leavers" that would be graduating and moving onto bigger and better things. We were frustrated. Our church really pushes community - that God called us to live in unity with one another, to share everything we have and take care of one another. We simply can't do life alone. And I believe that 100%.
So why do people keep leaving? Don't they get it?! The world says you go to college, graduate, then move away to get a "real" job. We say the world doesn't know what they are talking about and sometimes being in community is more important than any job. So we get frustrated.
Whenever someones tells me they are leaving, I tend to have a typical tone that sounds something like, "oh...well...I'm not happy you're going but I'll try to be supportive." It's upsetting that they think they have to move on to new places rather than staying here and living life with us, even if it means they work at a coffee shop for the rest of their life!
Then it occurred to me that maybe I'm wrong.
I started to think about an organization called Team Expansion. They're located in Kentucky and their purpose is to send people off to plant new churches. Their process begins when people feel called to become a part of this group of believers and they move to Kentucky to spend 1-2 years preparing for their mission. Of course there has to be someone there to train them - that is what the people who have been called to live and stay in Kentucky do. These soon-to-be missionaries come in, they learn, they grow, they do life with the people in Kentucky and become equipped with the necessary skills to go plant churches elsewhere.
How ridiculous would it be if the people who live in Kentucky got upset every time someone left?! I mean that IS their mission - to raise people up, train them in the ways they need to go, and send them out. If they were to be upset with those people who now were leaving, I would say they have a problem!
Is this any different from what we do here in College Station, Texas? Jeff and I felt called to come here and minister to college students. College students are the ones in that "trainee" phase of life, being taught and shaped so God can take them and use them in many different areas. Yet we're upset and confused when people don't stay in town. The more I think about it, the more it really doesn't make sense!
If we would allow ourselves to see God's bigger plan, we would see our role in it as Equippers and Moblizers for greater things than we can imagine.
As we teach people what is looks like to earnestly seek God's direction, I also need to be open to the path God has for them. Some will feel called to stay - we need them so God will provide them. Some will feel called to go - the world needs them so God is trusting us to send them out.
The message that I need to be sending to those we encounter is: over the next few years, make your future a focal point in prayer. Don't adhere to the world's standard of - go to college, graduate, get a job. Prayerfully consider what God is calling you to do. Then work towards it, seek counsel, knowledge, experience, and learn to live in community. Equip yourselves to do it well.
Why am I missing this and becoming angry when people decide to go elsewhere? Am I being selfish - too focused on the pain of people leaving and not focused on a greater plan? Am I being prideful because I think it's great here and others should see that too? Am I simply just too busy and too tired to invest this kind of focused training? It's not like it's a one time thing, people are coming in all the time, every year.
In all this, I believe what the Spirit is laying on my heart is that my vision needs to be teaching, equipping, and sending people out with the knowledge of what community looks like so they can create it in new places. God will provide those to stay that are needed, we'll always have everything we need. It's never going to get easier, watching those you love leave is dreadful - but do I wallow in my sadness or do I rejoice in what God has planned?
I'm curious to see what this means for us as a couple. God's been working hard on the hearts of the people in our body - doing big things, changing things, breaking things. It's been rough. So maybe this is one area I need to let go of for the sake of following Jesus.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Work-At-Home: Glorious!... yet Challenging
I've been learning over the past few weeks about the splendor of working at home. At first, it wasn't splendor as much as chaos, but I think I'm starting to figure it out. There are many perks to working from home but there are also challenges. The key, I believe, is to finding the balance and in the end - just enjoying life! Here is what I have discovered:
Great Things About Working at Home...
1. Flexible Schedule - when I began my "real world" career a couple years back, I thought I would absolutely love working in an office setting. I'm a very structured, scheduled person so to me - 8 to 5 was perfect! I knew exactly what my days would look like and could stop thinking about work as soon as I left the office. Then the obvious happened, I got bored. And I missed having time in my day to do non-work things, like have lunch with a friend. Now, I can do that and it's great! I can even take a longer lunch and avoid stopping her mid-sentence to say, "I've gotta go back to work."
2. Casual Dress Code - While I did enjoy the cute, yet expensive, business attire I was required to wear at the office, nothing... and I mean nothing... beats spending the first few hours of the day in pajama pants! If all I'm doing in the morning is responding to emails and surfing for the latest industry info, nobody cares what I'm wearing. Of course, there is the occasional embarrassing UPS delivery - ah well, he'd probably do it too if he could.
3. Daytime House Cleaning/ Shopping Trips - Can you relate when I say that I cannot get anything done around the house when my husband is home (plus two college guys who we house)? It's not because he makes a big mess or anything, more because when he's home I just want to hang out with him! Therefore, having an empty house during the day has made it much easier to do a load of laundry, vacuum, or make a run to the grocery store.
4. Quality Time With The Dog - Ok, so we don't have kids yet and I don't treasure moments spent with our dog, though he is pretty cute! But it is nice to be able to take him for walks and I feel better about not leaving him at home alone all the time. This perk will probably be even greater when we have kids and I am able to spend quality time with them - rather than being away from home 9 hours a day.
All of these things are great, but there still are some challenges I am facing...
Not-So-Great Things About Working At Home:
1. Managing a Spontaneous Schedule - Some people are great at this because they are naturally spontaneous. I, however, am not. As stated previously, I am a very structured, "plan everything down to the minute" type person. Being at home has meant that my day is not set for me and it is up to me to make a schedule. It's been getting better but I still have trouble allotting time to the most important task rather than filling my time with less productive activities.
2. Money is Tight - Hopefully this won't always be the case but most of the time, when working at home it means you either started your own business or are paid by commission. Mine is the latter. Getting started is rough and we've had a few short-handed months but we see great potential in the future. A piece of advice if you are looking to start an at-home business - save a few months' salary first.
3. Easily Distracted - This goes along with scheduling but at home it's a lot easier to get distracted away from work by household chores, friends/family, and just surfing the web or television. My goal each day is to set a specific amount of time that I will "work" and focus on nothing but my task list for that time (which usually goes over because of pop-up emails and phone calls). After I have completed those things, I am more free to do other "non-work" items. The system is still progressing... certainly not perfected.
4. Motivation - Working at home definitely requires one to be self-motivated. I would like to think I am a very self-motivated person, but there are tasks that I just hate to do. So it's hard to put effort into those things, I usually have to break these tasks down into pieces and say to myself, "just focus on this part, that's all." It sometimes works. Sometimes I just need someone to yell in my ear, suck it up, and do the not fun things that I need to do.
Overall, I'm finding that life is better when you are able to choose to spend more time doing the things you love. I've found that I would much rather get stuff done and then go about my non-work business rather than spending 8 hours in an office, making up projects in order to pass the time.
So thanks for the blessing, Lord! I will try very hard to do it well :)
Great Things About Working at Home...
1. Flexible Schedule - when I began my "real world" career a couple years back, I thought I would absolutely love working in an office setting. I'm a very structured, scheduled person so to me - 8 to 5 was perfect! I knew exactly what my days would look like and could stop thinking about work as soon as I left the office. Then the obvious happened, I got bored. And I missed having time in my day to do non-work things, like have lunch with a friend. Now, I can do that and it's great! I can even take a longer lunch and avoid stopping her mid-sentence to say, "I've gotta go back to work."
2. Casual Dress Code - While I did enjoy the cute, yet expensive, business attire I was required to wear at the office, nothing... and I mean nothing... beats spending the first few hours of the day in pajama pants! If all I'm doing in the morning is responding to emails and surfing for the latest industry info, nobody cares what I'm wearing. Of course, there is the occasional embarrassing UPS delivery - ah well, he'd probably do it too if he could.
3. Daytime House Cleaning/ Shopping Trips - Can you relate when I say that I cannot get anything done around the house when my husband is home (plus two college guys who we house)? It's not because he makes a big mess or anything, more because when he's home I just want to hang out with him! Therefore, having an empty house during the day has made it much easier to do a load of laundry, vacuum, or make a run to the grocery store.
4. Quality Time With The Dog - Ok, so we don't have kids yet and I don't treasure moments spent with our dog, though he is pretty cute! But it is nice to be able to take him for walks and I feel better about not leaving him at home alone all the time. This perk will probably be even greater when we have kids and I am able to spend quality time with them - rather than being away from home 9 hours a day.
All of these things are great, but there still are some challenges I am facing...
Not-So-Great Things About Working At Home:
1. Managing a Spontaneous Schedule - Some people are great at this because they are naturally spontaneous. I, however, am not. As stated previously, I am a very structured, "plan everything down to the minute" type person. Being at home has meant that my day is not set for me and it is up to me to make a schedule. It's been getting better but I still have trouble allotting time to the most important task rather than filling my time with less productive activities.
2. Money is Tight - Hopefully this won't always be the case but most of the time, when working at home it means you either started your own business or are paid by commission. Mine is the latter. Getting started is rough and we've had a few short-handed months but we see great potential in the future. A piece of advice if you are looking to start an at-home business - save a few months' salary first.
3. Easily Distracted - This goes along with scheduling but at home it's a lot easier to get distracted away from work by household chores, friends/family, and just surfing the web or television. My goal each day is to set a specific amount of time that I will "work" and focus on nothing but my task list for that time (which usually goes over because of pop-up emails and phone calls). After I have completed those things, I am more free to do other "non-work" items. The system is still progressing... certainly not perfected.
4. Motivation - Working at home definitely requires one to be self-motivated. I would like to think I am a very self-motivated person, but there are tasks that I just hate to do. So it's hard to put effort into those things, I usually have to break these tasks down into pieces and say to myself, "just focus on this part, that's all." It sometimes works. Sometimes I just need someone to yell in my ear, suck it up, and do the not fun things that I need to do.
Overall, I'm finding that life is better when you are able to choose to spend more time doing the things you love. I've found that I would much rather get stuff done and then go about my non-work business rather than spending 8 hours in an office, making up projects in order to pass the time.
So thanks for the blessing, Lord! I will try very hard to do it well :)
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Work Hard...but Work Less
I was hoping to title this post "Uncluttered" but it hasn't happened yet, maybe it never will. I have learned a few things over the past week, mostly relating to how little I trust God with my time. After I discovered the "clutter" in my life, I immediately tried to set up a new schedule that would help me focus on work during work hours and home during home hours. It worked for one day!
I picked up the book, "Running Nowhere in Every Direction" which is study I did during college (and during my first few months of marriage). It was rather amusing to read through my notes about what things I was enjoying and what things I was finding to be difficult. One thing that remains the same is trying to manage my time. There are so many ways I would like to spend my time but finding myself continuously overwhelmed by needing to do the "important" things first. The chapters on Trust and Happiness really spoke to me. I've been asking myself if I truly trust God to handle my schedule - it seems so trivial, why would He care aboout that? But if I believe God desires my happiness, and I do, then I should be willing to give it up.
One of our roommates told us the other day about a ministry he has been involved in. I don't remember the name of the group, but they provide food to a large group of hippies that get together once a year. What stuck with me is the story he told about the leader he worked with. They had found a place to set up camp and now had to build a functional kitchen and dining area before the event began and they had 20,000 people coming to them for food. I don't remember how long they had to complete the task, but it wasn't very long! He said the first morning they woke up and came together for a time of prayer and worship... which lasted until lunch... then the leader said, "alright, let's make some lunch and then get started." Looking at the list of everything they needed to accomplish that day, there was no way they could get it done before sundown. My head would have been spinning, I doubt I would have been able to worship because I would have been looking at my watch, thinking, "are you kidding me, let's go!"
So they got started after lunch... and got everything done that needed to be done for the day.
This is how the guy functions - just giving his time to God and trusting that whatever needs to get done that day will get done. He doesn't work his day around his own clock but focuses on God's time.
I want to be like that. I don't know how though. What I realized is that I have been given a job that will allow me this sort of freedom. No longer am I trapped in an office from 8:00 am - 5:00 pm and no longer do I have expectations on what hours I should be working. The only expectation I have on me is that I do my job - that I book events, plan them, and run them well; that I make money for the business! So now I have an opportunity to give my day to God, to seek His guidance each morning on how I should spend my day, and to trust everything that needs to be completed, will be completed.
Yesterday I tried it out, it was hard! It was great, I had an awesome day. I spent the morning at the Lord's feet in prayer and worship, trying to discern what He was speaking to me. When I felt a peace about it, I went about my daily business, including home chores first, lunch, then heading up to work for an appointment. And guess what, everything got done!
What was hard about it was how unproductive I felt all morning. I wasn't able to just lay at His feet and relax, I was struggling over and over with the thought of, "should I be doing something else?" My fears are that: a) I would become lazy - this time would not be time with my Father but just a time that I don't want to do anything else that I should be doing, and b) That those around me would see me as unproductive and that I don't utilize my time well. I know these things are not important in the big picture but they are aspects of my character that has always been important to me. Hard work and good work ethic speak a lot about who I am and how I was raised, or so I think they do.
That leads me to the question... is it possible to be a hard worker while working less than 40 hours a week?
Jeff and I have always agreed that we want to enjoy our jobs. When we work, we spend the majority of our life during that season at work, and it is just a terrible thought to be miserable during that time. A lot of responses I get to this is, "that's why it's called work, no one said it would be fun," or "sometimes you just have to suck it up and fight through a tough job for a couple of years before you can find something better." Ugh! This is not truth to me. The God I know is one who desires the very best for my life - that doesn't mean it won't be hard - but it does mean that if we follow hard after Him, trusting Him with our lives, we will be blessed in ways we could never imagine. Work is work because it's hard, I know I would much rather play and rest than work. But work doesn't have to be miserable.
So I'm now on a journey to see what it looks like if I give my work up to God. I don't know what that means but I do know that worry, stress, and anxiety are not a part of it. If I'm feeling those things, then I need to stop and redirect my focus. Lord, help me!
I picked up the book, "Running Nowhere in Every Direction" which is study I did during college (and during my first few months of marriage). It was rather amusing to read through my notes about what things I was enjoying and what things I was finding to be difficult. One thing that remains the same is trying to manage my time. There are so many ways I would like to spend my time but finding myself continuously overwhelmed by needing to do the "important" things first. The chapters on Trust and Happiness really spoke to me. I've been asking myself if I truly trust God to handle my schedule - it seems so trivial, why would He care aboout that? But if I believe God desires my happiness, and I do, then I should be willing to give it up.
One of our roommates told us the other day about a ministry he has been involved in. I don't remember the name of the group, but they provide food to a large group of hippies that get together once a year. What stuck with me is the story he told about the leader he worked with. They had found a place to set up camp and now had to build a functional kitchen and dining area before the event began and they had 20,000 people coming to them for food. I don't remember how long they had to complete the task, but it wasn't very long! He said the first morning they woke up and came together for a time of prayer and worship... which lasted until lunch... then the leader said, "alright, let's make some lunch and then get started." Looking at the list of everything they needed to accomplish that day, there was no way they could get it done before sundown. My head would have been spinning, I doubt I would have been able to worship because I would have been looking at my watch, thinking, "are you kidding me, let's go!"
So they got started after lunch... and got everything done that needed to be done for the day.
This is how the guy functions - just giving his time to God and trusting that whatever needs to get done that day will get done. He doesn't work his day around his own clock but focuses on God's time.
I want to be like that. I don't know how though. What I realized is that I have been given a job that will allow me this sort of freedom. No longer am I trapped in an office from 8:00 am - 5:00 pm and no longer do I have expectations on what hours I should be working. The only expectation I have on me is that I do my job - that I book events, plan them, and run them well; that I make money for the business! So now I have an opportunity to give my day to God, to seek His guidance each morning on how I should spend my day, and to trust everything that needs to be completed, will be completed.
Yesterday I tried it out, it was hard! It was great, I had an awesome day. I spent the morning at the Lord's feet in prayer and worship, trying to discern what He was speaking to me. When I felt a peace about it, I went about my daily business, including home chores first, lunch, then heading up to work for an appointment. And guess what, everything got done!
What was hard about it was how unproductive I felt all morning. I wasn't able to just lay at His feet and relax, I was struggling over and over with the thought of, "should I be doing something else?" My fears are that: a) I would become lazy - this time would not be time with my Father but just a time that I don't want to do anything else that I should be doing, and b) That those around me would see me as unproductive and that I don't utilize my time well. I know these things are not important in the big picture but they are aspects of my character that has always been important to me. Hard work and good work ethic speak a lot about who I am and how I was raised, or so I think they do.
That leads me to the question... is it possible to be a hard worker while working less than 40 hours a week?
Jeff and I have always agreed that we want to enjoy our jobs. When we work, we spend the majority of our life during that season at work, and it is just a terrible thought to be miserable during that time. A lot of responses I get to this is, "that's why it's called work, no one said it would be fun," or "sometimes you just have to suck it up and fight through a tough job for a couple of years before you can find something better." Ugh! This is not truth to me. The God I know is one who desires the very best for my life - that doesn't mean it won't be hard - but it does mean that if we follow hard after Him, trusting Him with our lives, we will be blessed in ways we could never imagine. Work is work because it's hard, I know I would much rather play and rest than work. But work doesn't have to be miserable.
So I'm now on a journey to see what it looks like if I give my work up to God. I don't know what that means but I do know that worry, stress, and anxiety are not a part of it. If I'm feeling those things, then I need to stop and redirect my focus. Lord, help me!
Monday, March 1, 2010
Cluttered
clut-ter: to fill or cover with scattered or disordered things that impede movement or reduce effectiveness.
That's how I feel this morning - my life is cluttered. It's a shame too because I've always taken great pride in being organized. At my last job everything was completed, filed away, and my desk was clean by the end of the day. Now, I can't seem to wrap my head around anything.
I got up this morning and looked at our kitchen counters - cluttered, our bedroom - cluttered, our washer - broken! Great morning....
The thing that gets me most about the definition above is "that impede movement or reduce effectiveness." That is how I have been feeling lately. That my world is so out of control and everything is so cluttered that I am of no use to God right now. I believe this chaos mostly has to do with my new job and learning to work with a spontaneous schedule. Just when I feel like I have something down, something else pops up and I start all over.
No matter what the reason is, I don't like. I don't like feeling cluttered, I don't like being disorganized, I don't like feeling out of control. I can't seem to sit down and rest in the Lord because I am running nowhere in every direction!
(that was actually the title of a book I read in college, good book - maybe I should pick it back up)
So the sermons at our church the past couple of weeks have been addressing the cost of following Jesus. Our pastor/elder/preacher has been challenging us to ask the big question of, "what have I given up to follow Jesus" and "what now, what else does He require of me to truly follow hard after Him?" A lot of people have been tossed upside down by this question and are feeling led to pray about making some big changes in their lives.
My struggle with it all is that I sat in church last night feeling like I was missing something. To be honest, we have missed the past couple of sermons - due to childcare and work (we can touch on that more later). But we did listen to the online podcasts and still feel like we're missing something. I know a lot of the families are struggling with the question of whether or not they should take in a Haitian orphan and a lot of the students are struggling with the question of why they're studying what they are studying and pursuing in life. But is there another big issue that was addressed, or is the Spirit just working hard in each person individually?
I can't say I feel content with where we are, there is always something more we can be doing. But I do feel that right now, we are very much living a life of sacrifice. I don't mean to sound like we're holier than everyone else and have it all figured out, because we don't. But our lifestyle right now honestly leaves me asking, "what more, Lord?" We're already squeezing four people into a tiny 1100 sq ft townhome that we pay less than $500 a month for. We've cut one of our incomes so Jeff can go back to school, which we 100% believe is from the Lord. I've recently taken a job that pays me next to nothing in order to live by faith and trust that God will provide. And we've been waiting patiently to have a baby for the past couple of years that I'm starting to think won't come along until after Jeff is done with school.
Now can we spend our time differently? Sure! We can watch Friends less and go help the poor and needy with our free time. I know very few non-ComChurch goers so I could be very challenged to go out and meet some new people (that's a hard area for me). We don't have a lot of money, but what we do have does not always get spent in the best ways. I'm constantly dreaming about the future and find it very hard to be content with my current situation (something that I do believe God is challenging me to stop doing).
But I still don't know if there is something bigger, something more "spiritual" that God is calling us to do. When I look at our lives, I do see that we live differently than most of the world but we certainly don't live like Shane Claiborne. Should we?
So what, God? What more can we do? We desire more than anything to chase after the one only way of living that is real and we will leave everything behind. We ask that You would reveal to us those areas that we hold too tightly and any places of our hearts that need to be tugged on. Thank You for grace!
That's how I feel this morning - my life is cluttered. It's a shame too because I've always taken great pride in being organized. At my last job everything was completed, filed away, and my desk was clean by the end of the day. Now, I can't seem to wrap my head around anything.
I got up this morning and looked at our kitchen counters - cluttered, our bedroom - cluttered, our washer - broken! Great morning....
The thing that gets me most about the definition above is "that impede movement or reduce effectiveness." That is how I have been feeling lately. That my world is so out of control and everything is so cluttered that I am of no use to God right now. I believe this chaos mostly has to do with my new job and learning to work with a spontaneous schedule. Just when I feel like I have something down, something else pops up and I start all over.
No matter what the reason is, I don't like. I don't like feeling cluttered, I don't like being disorganized, I don't like feeling out of control. I can't seem to sit down and rest in the Lord because I am running nowhere in every direction!
(that was actually the title of a book I read in college, good book - maybe I should pick it back up)
So the sermons at our church the past couple of weeks have been addressing the cost of following Jesus. Our pastor/elder/preacher has been challenging us to ask the big question of, "what have I given up to follow Jesus" and "what now, what else does He require of me to truly follow hard after Him?" A lot of people have been tossed upside down by this question and are feeling led to pray about making some big changes in their lives.
My struggle with it all is that I sat in church last night feeling like I was missing something. To be honest, we have missed the past couple of sermons - due to childcare and work (we can touch on that more later). But we did listen to the online podcasts and still feel like we're missing something. I know a lot of the families are struggling with the question of whether or not they should take in a Haitian orphan and a lot of the students are struggling with the question of why they're studying what they are studying and pursuing in life. But is there another big issue that was addressed, or is the Spirit just working hard in each person individually?
I can't say I feel content with where we are, there is always something more we can be doing. But I do feel that right now, we are very much living a life of sacrifice. I don't mean to sound like we're holier than everyone else and have it all figured out, because we don't. But our lifestyle right now honestly leaves me asking, "what more, Lord?" We're already squeezing four people into a tiny 1100 sq ft townhome that we pay less than $500 a month for. We've cut one of our incomes so Jeff can go back to school, which we 100% believe is from the Lord. I've recently taken a job that pays me next to nothing in order to live by faith and trust that God will provide. And we've been waiting patiently to have a baby for the past couple of years that I'm starting to think won't come along until after Jeff is done with school.
Now can we spend our time differently? Sure! We can watch Friends less and go help the poor and needy with our free time. I know very few non-ComChurch goers so I could be very challenged to go out and meet some new people (that's a hard area for me). We don't have a lot of money, but what we do have does not always get spent in the best ways. I'm constantly dreaming about the future and find it very hard to be content with my current situation (something that I do believe God is challenging me to stop doing).
But I still don't know if there is something bigger, something more "spiritual" that God is calling us to do. When I look at our lives, I do see that we live differently than most of the world but we certainly don't live like Shane Claiborne. Should we?
So what, God? What more can we do? We desire more than anything to chase after the one only way of living that is real and we will leave everything behind. We ask that You would reveal to us those areas that we hold too tightly and any places of our hearts that need to be tugged on. Thank You for grace!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Passion
I'm amazed that I'm here again, especially since it's almost midnight and I have to work at 7 tomorrow morning.
I've been thinking a lot about the question, "what's your passion?" I never really know how to answer that. What exactly is a passion - is it something you're good at, something you enjoy doing, something you would do all day every day if you had the chance?
I'd say I'm good at my job - mostly because I'm organized and detail-oriented meaning I think ahead about every possible angle and plan accordingly. This drives my husband nuts! But I wouldn't say I'm passionate about my job - is it something I would do if I didn't get paid to do it, probably not.
So what do I enjoy? I enjoy lazy weekends, winding down after a long week and just relaxing. No decisions to be made, no plans to make. I enjoy reading magazines, watching Friends, listening to music, and so on. But am I passionate about any of these things? It doesn't seem like it, they don't have enough value to receive such a strong emotion as passion.
Then there is the age-old question of, "what would you do if you could do anything in the world?" To be honest, I don't know, but I have some ideas. I think I would love to teach, not high school - only college or another form of adult education. I would love to teach about anatomy, it's my favorite subject. Especially when you put it together with nutrition and discussing all the ways the food we eat negatively effects our bodies, it's astonishing! I also love to talk about leadership and would love to work with students to teach them how to be effective leaders in the world. And not in a "how to win your way to the top" method but in a "grow up and take responsibility for your own mess" method.
What else? I have always been intrigued by dogs. Not in a weird way, I know they're not humans, but they really are amazing! They can do so many things, from hunting to finding a person buried 10 feet under the snow to detecting seizures. I have thought many times about doing something in line with animal work - being a vet, starting a pet sitting business, training dogs, etc.
And of course there is the desire in me to stay at home with my kids and spend my "spare time" making crafts and other handmade goodies. It would be so great if we were able to be mildly self-sufficient, making our own breads, cheeses, growing vegetables, etc. That's right, I'm actually a farm girl at heart.
After all that I'm still left with the question of what am I passionate about? I went ahead and looked up the word - it means a strong or compelling emotion towards something.
That doesn't help...
So let me pose a new question, why do we spend so much time searching for what we're passionate about? For me, I want to enjoy every day of my life and not just shuffle my way through mundane activities. It makes sense to me that if I discover my passion and spend my days doing that thing, I will better enjoy life. Maybe I need to stop searching for this passion I think is out there and just make the choice to enjoy life!
Ouch...
It does make sense that a lot of the reason I see my daily task list as ordinary and boring is because I am continuously thinking about what I would rather be doing. Man, I hate being challenged. I mean I love that God continues to work in me each day, but it's so disappointing to realize these struggles could so easily be taken care of if I just made the choice to deal with them.
So there it is - my new challenge is to be passionate about LIFE! To embrace each activity that comes my way as exactly what the Lord has for me this day and enjoy it. So much easier said than done, I know. I can give it my best though.
Good night!
I've been thinking a lot about the question, "what's your passion?" I never really know how to answer that. What exactly is a passion - is it something you're good at, something you enjoy doing, something you would do all day every day if you had the chance?
I'd say I'm good at my job - mostly because I'm organized and detail-oriented meaning I think ahead about every possible angle and plan accordingly. This drives my husband nuts! But I wouldn't say I'm passionate about my job - is it something I would do if I didn't get paid to do it, probably not.
So what do I enjoy? I enjoy lazy weekends, winding down after a long week and just relaxing. No decisions to be made, no plans to make. I enjoy reading magazines, watching Friends, listening to music, and so on. But am I passionate about any of these things? It doesn't seem like it, they don't have enough value to receive such a strong emotion as passion.
Then there is the age-old question of, "what would you do if you could do anything in the world?" To be honest, I don't know, but I have some ideas. I think I would love to teach, not high school - only college or another form of adult education. I would love to teach about anatomy, it's my favorite subject. Especially when you put it together with nutrition and discussing all the ways the food we eat negatively effects our bodies, it's astonishing! I also love to talk about leadership and would love to work with students to teach them how to be effective leaders in the world. And not in a "how to win your way to the top" method but in a "grow up and take responsibility for your own mess" method.
What else? I have always been intrigued by dogs. Not in a weird way, I know they're not humans, but they really are amazing! They can do so many things, from hunting to finding a person buried 10 feet under the snow to detecting seizures. I have thought many times about doing something in line with animal work - being a vet, starting a pet sitting business, training dogs, etc.
And of course there is the desire in me to stay at home with my kids and spend my "spare time" making crafts and other handmade goodies. It would be so great if we were able to be mildly self-sufficient, making our own breads, cheeses, growing vegetables, etc. That's right, I'm actually a farm girl at heart.
After all that I'm still left with the question of what am I passionate about? I went ahead and looked up the word - it means a strong or compelling emotion towards something.
That doesn't help...
So let me pose a new question, why do we spend so much time searching for what we're passionate about? For me, I want to enjoy every day of my life and not just shuffle my way through mundane activities. It makes sense to me that if I discover my passion and spend my days doing that thing, I will better enjoy life. Maybe I need to stop searching for this passion I think is out there and just make the choice to enjoy life!
Ouch...
It does make sense that a lot of the reason I see my daily task list as ordinary and boring is because I am continuously thinking about what I would rather be doing. Man, I hate being challenged. I mean I love that God continues to work in me each day, but it's so disappointing to realize these struggles could so easily be taken care of if I just made the choice to deal with them.
So there it is - my new challenge is to be passionate about LIFE! To embrace each activity that comes my way as exactly what the Lord has for me this day and enjoy it. So much easier said than done, I know. I can give it my best though.
Good night!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Blogging...
I'm wondering if it's time to post something on our page, it's been a while. I've never really gotten into blogging, I don't quite understand it - what do you talk about, who really reads it anyway?! I've read some good blogs lately and it's inspired me to try.
I used to journal a lot, daily, sometimes multiple entries a day. I haven't done that as much lately - when I say lately, I mean the past two years. It may be because I don't have as much time any more, but I see mothers of five children blogging/journaling - time shouldn't be an issue. Maybe I've just gotten bored with my thoughts. I certainly have thoughts, I talk to myself all day long, maybe it's just boring to write them down because they're typically the same thoughts I had last week. Wow! That makes my life sound awful - life really isn't boring, it's great, just with boring thoughts.
Another reason I realized it may be a good idea to blog is, well for one I like typing more than handwriting (isn't that sad, what a technical world we live in?), but also because more and more lately I am not sure of what to say to people that ask "how are the Hankins doing?" My response is always "good," because we are good, life is good. But I feel I owe the people in my life more of an explanation than "good." I just can't ever think of what to say in the moment, we work, we play, we hang out with people, we eat and sleep, then do it all over. Once again - life is not boring, just repetitive!
Maybe I'll start by sharing our story so people can know a bit more about where we are coming from. My husband Jeff and I have been married for 4.5 years. We're still in a place where we have to include the .5 in our years so we feel more experienced! But really, we're still newlyweds - we've learned a lot but have so much more to learn. He grew up in Texas, outside of Houston, I grew up in Nebraska, we met and married in Michigan, and have since lived in Kansas, Ohio, and now Texas. The story is longer, but maybe that's for another post. Needless to say, I am very very tired of moving!
We've been in College Station, Tx for a little over two years and we love it. We bought our first home last June which was a huge step towards saying "we want to stay here for as long as we can." We're both dreamers and always have new ideas of where we are going in life, this tends to change weekly, if not daily. Those who have been in ComGroup with us know what we're talking about and we love you for your patience!
This may be dull but I'm going to keep talking in hopes that telling our story will spur more interesting thoughts. Jeff went back to school this past fall, he never finished which was probably good because he wouldn't have been happy doing what he thought he wanted to do then. He is studying animation - he's so talented, he's going to make movies someday!
I work and have been working full-time for just over two years. It's a new world, this full-time job thing. I liked it better when I had free time during the day, but hey - that's why it's called work. I am an event planner so I do have fun at my job -- quick plug: if you are hosting an event in the area, check us out http://www.royaltypecans.com/.
I'm not sure what I want to do forever though, some of that involves being at home but some working as well. I think I'd love to teach college but don't know when I'll have the opportunity to go back to school. Jeff will hopefully graduate Dec 2012 so until then, work I will!
I'll be honest, it's been tough...
Learning how to fully give yourself to a job 40 hours a week, find time to go to the store, make dinner, pick up the house, shower, etc and still be involved in numerous relationships is tough. I certainly am not a workaholic, I choose home activities over work when I can, but I also have a strong work ethic that leaves me feeling guilty when I don't get everything done that I needed to (maybe that's not work ethic there). I am also a very scheduled person and my current job is very, very spontaneous - so I'm learning to adjust. It's stressful but I think I'm handling it well.
No kids yet, that is probably a good topic for another post as well. We've tried unsuccessfully for a while now and though we are very open to adoption, have a lot of questions about it before we head down that road. More than anything, we just want God to place a baby in our lap - I know that doesn't happen very often so it may be wishful thinking but I also know it does happen, I've heard numerous stories of couple's getting a call that there is a baby waiting for them. Maybe that's not a good way to think though, maybe we need to put more effort into it. It's such a HUGE thing so we don't want to take it lightly.
Luckily we've been blessed with an amazing community full of adoption minded people who are always willing to give us advice. We look forward to more converstations there.
Our church is awesome, Community Church truly lives up to it's name. We never knew what community meant and how to actually live it. This group knows how to love each other, challenge each other, encourage each other, and take care of each other like I have never seen. We're not perfect, no one is. But we love everyone there and know they love us, that is unusual to find and we feel incredibly blessed that God has allowed us to be a part of it.
I don't know how blog etiquette goes regarding length of a post but I'd rather cut it short than ramble on for too long. I hope this is not the last post from me - I hate to say that but I fully expect that I will not make time to sit down and type very often. Maybe that would be a good challenge for me, I guess we'll have to see...
I used to journal a lot, daily, sometimes multiple entries a day. I haven't done that as much lately - when I say lately, I mean the past two years. It may be because I don't have as much time any more, but I see mothers of five children blogging/journaling - time shouldn't be an issue. Maybe I've just gotten bored with my thoughts. I certainly have thoughts, I talk to myself all day long, maybe it's just boring to write them down because they're typically the same thoughts I had last week. Wow! That makes my life sound awful - life really isn't boring, it's great, just with boring thoughts.
Another reason I realized it may be a good idea to blog is, well for one I like typing more than handwriting (isn't that sad, what a technical world we live in?), but also because more and more lately I am not sure of what to say to people that ask "how are the Hankins doing?" My response is always "good," because we are good, life is good. But I feel I owe the people in my life more of an explanation than "good." I just can't ever think of what to say in the moment, we work, we play, we hang out with people, we eat and sleep, then do it all over. Once again - life is not boring, just repetitive!
Maybe I'll start by sharing our story so people can know a bit more about where we are coming from. My husband Jeff and I have been married for 4.5 years. We're still in a place where we have to include the .5 in our years so we feel more experienced! But really, we're still newlyweds - we've learned a lot but have so much more to learn. He grew up in Texas, outside of Houston, I grew up in Nebraska, we met and married in Michigan, and have since lived in Kansas, Ohio, and now Texas. The story is longer, but maybe that's for another post. Needless to say, I am very very tired of moving!
We've been in College Station, Tx for a little over two years and we love it. We bought our first home last June which was a huge step towards saying "we want to stay here for as long as we can." We're both dreamers and always have new ideas of where we are going in life, this tends to change weekly, if not daily. Those who have been in ComGroup with us know what we're talking about and we love you for your patience!
This may be dull but I'm going to keep talking in hopes that telling our story will spur more interesting thoughts. Jeff went back to school this past fall, he never finished which was probably good because he wouldn't have been happy doing what he thought he wanted to do then. He is studying animation - he's so talented, he's going to make movies someday!
I work and have been working full-time for just over two years. It's a new world, this full-time job thing. I liked it better when I had free time during the day, but hey - that's why it's called work. I am an event planner so I do have fun at my job -- quick plug: if you are hosting an event in the area, check us out http://www.royaltypecans.com/.
I'm not sure what I want to do forever though, some of that involves being at home but some working as well. I think I'd love to teach college but don't know when I'll have the opportunity to go back to school. Jeff will hopefully graduate Dec 2012 so until then, work I will!
I'll be honest, it's been tough...
Learning how to fully give yourself to a job 40 hours a week, find time to go to the store, make dinner, pick up the house, shower, etc and still be involved in numerous relationships is tough. I certainly am not a workaholic, I choose home activities over work when I can, but I also have a strong work ethic that leaves me feeling guilty when I don't get everything done that I needed to (maybe that's not work ethic there). I am also a very scheduled person and my current job is very, very spontaneous - so I'm learning to adjust. It's stressful but I think I'm handling it well.
No kids yet, that is probably a good topic for another post as well. We've tried unsuccessfully for a while now and though we are very open to adoption, have a lot of questions about it before we head down that road. More than anything, we just want God to place a baby in our lap - I know that doesn't happen very often so it may be wishful thinking but I also know it does happen, I've heard numerous stories of couple's getting a call that there is a baby waiting for them. Maybe that's not a good way to think though, maybe we need to put more effort into it. It's such a HUGE thing so we don't want to take it lightly.
Luckily we've been blessed with an amazing community full of adoption minded people who are always willing to give us advice. We look forward to more converstations there.
Our church is awesome, Community Church truly lives up to it's name. We never knew what community meant and how to actually live it. This group knows how to love each other, challenge each other, encourage each other, and take care of each other like I have never seen. We're not perfect, no one is. But we love everyone there and know they love us, that is unusual to find and we feel incredibly blessed that God has allowed us to be a part of it.
I don't know how blog etiquette goes regarding length of a post but I'd rather cut it short than ramble on for too long. I hope this is not the last post from me - I hate to say that but I fully expect that I will not make time to sit down and type very often. Maybe that would be a good challenge for me, I guess we'll have to see...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)