I was hoping to title this post "Uncluttered" but it hasn't happened yet, maybe it never will. I have learned a few things over the past week, mostly relating to how little I trust God with my time. After I discovered the "clutter" in my life, I immediately tried to set up a new schedule that would help me focus on work during work hours and home during home hours. It worked for one day!
I picked up the book, "Running Nowhere in Every Direction" which is study I did during college (and during my first few months of marriage). It was rather amusing to read through my notes about what things I was enjoying and what things I was finding to be difficult. One thing that remains the same is trying to manage my time. There are so many ways I would like to spend my time but finding myself continuously overwhelmed by needing to do the "important" things first. The chapters on Trust and Happiness really spoke to me. I've been asking myself if I truly trust God to handle my schedule - it seems so trivial, why would He care aboout that? But if I believe God desires my happiness, and I do, then I should be willing to give it up.
One of our roommates told us the other day about a ministry he has been involved in. I don't remember the name of the group, but they provide food to a large group of hippies that get together once a year. What stuck with me is the story he told about the leader he worked with. They had found a place to set up camp and now had to build a functional kitchen and dining area before the event began and they had 20,000 people coming to them for food. I don't remember how long they had to complete the task, but it wasn't very long! He said the first morning they woke up and came together for a time of prayer and worship... which lasted until lunch... then the leader said, "alright, let's make some lunch and then get started." Looking at the list of everything they needed to accomplish that day, there was no way they could get it done before sundown. My head would have been spinning, I doubt I would have been able to worship because I would have been looking at my watch, thinking, "are you kidding me, let's go!"
So they got started after lunch... and got everything done that needed to be done for the day.
This is how the guy functions - just giving his time to God and trusting that whatever needs to get done that day will get done. He doesn't work his day around his own clock but focuses on God's time.
I want to be like that. I don't know how though. What I realized is that I have been given a job that will allow me this sort of freedom. No longer am I trapped in an office from 8:00 am - 5:00 pm and no longer do I have expectations on what hours I should be working. The only expectation I have on me is that I do my job - that I book events, plan them, and run them well; that I make money for the business! So now I have an opportunity to give my day to God, to seek His guidance each morning on how I should spend my day, and to trust everything that needs to be completed, will be completed.
Yesterday I tried it out, it was hard! It was great, I had an awesome day. I spent the morning at the Lord's feet in prayer and worship, trying to discern what He was speaking to me. When I felt a peace about it, I went about my daily business, including home chores first, lunch, then heading up to work for an appointment. And guess what, everything got done!
What was hard about it was how unproductive I felt all morning. I wasn't able to just lay at His feet and relax, I was struggling over and over with the thought of, "should I be doing something else?" My fears are that: a) I would become lazy - this time would not be time with my Father but just a time that I don't want to do anything else that I should be doing, and b) That those around me would see me as unproductive and that I don't utilize my time well. I know these things are not important in the big picture but they are aspects of my character that has always been important to me. Hard work and good work ethic speak a lot about who I am and how I was raised, or so I think they do.
That leads me to the question... is it possible to be a hard worker while working less than 40 hours a week?
Jeff and I have always agreed that we want to enjoy our jobs. When we work, we spend the majority of our life during that season at work, and it is just a terrible thought to be miserable during that time. A lot of responses I get to this is, "that's why it's called work, no one said it would be fun," or "sometimes you just have to suck it up and fight through a tough job for a couple of years before you can find something better." Ugh! This is not truth to me. The God I know is one who desires the very best for my life - that doesn't mean it won't be hard - but it does mean that if we follow hard after Him, trusting Him with our lives, we will be blessed in ways we could never imagine. Work is work because it's hard, I know I would much rather play and rest than work. But work doesn't have to be miserable.
So I'm now on a journey to see what it looks like if I give my work up to God. I don't know what that means but I do know that worry, stress, and anxiety are not a part of it. If I'm feeling those things, then I need to stop and redirect my focus. Lord, help me!
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