Good ol' Diamond Rio came to mind on my drive to work this morning. I was actually listening to a different (very unrelated) song and the thought of "I'm living in a beautiful mess" came to mind.
If you asked us the typical, "how's life?" question over the past two months, you would have gotten some very different answers between then and now. Two months ago we probably would have said, "life's good, just normal, nothing going on." It was the truth. Now, however, I feel inclined to honestly answer the question by saying, "life's a little bit messy right now."
What has made life messy? I think a lot of it has to do with our desire to start the process of adopting a baby. Exciting, right?! It's also made us think a lot about our current situation and how there are quite a few things that need to change before we can have the "ideal" living environment.
1. Jenni needs a job that pays her enough to cover our monthly expenses and have a little left over to pay for a new baby.
2. It would be great to have more space to house a baby and college students.
3. Family concerns have made us realize just how hard it is going to be to raise an adopted child and to answer questions like, "why would you adopt, isn't that risky?"
It's easy for me to allow all those things to build into giant stress monsters, but God has graciously reminded me that I have nothing to worry about. He is always in control and knows our situation better than anyone. This is where the beautiful part comes in - there are so many things we have to be thankful for.
1. Jenni has a job! And she is able to provide for the majority of our monthly expenses. We've also been blessed with a decent-sized savings account to help with the rest. And, praise the Lord, Jeff has the opportunity to finish school right now so he can do something he loves later on to provide for our family.
2. We own a house! And our monthly mortgage payments are sooo cheap. We have been blessed with the opportunity to live with some really awesome guys the past year and a half. God has revealed to us our heart for community and our desire to love people by sharing our space with them. We hope to continue having people live with us even when there is a baby here.
3. Adoption will be hard at times. Parenting is hard at times. But it will also be so great! We'll have to learn how to have grace for those that don't understand adoption. We'll also get to share how much of a blessing it is, even with all the "risks" and how we hope to do it over again and again.
So that is what's on my mind this morning. I truly am living in a "beautiful mess" and my prayer is that God keeps me focused on the "beautiful" part of that. I'll leave with the words of that other song I was listening to, because it so clearly describes the reason why I am able to keep on keeping on every day.
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You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
You are everything that I breathe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart
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Nice.
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