I say it every year, month after month, "can you believe it's already _____ ?" Because I can never believe how fast each month goes by. I mean, it's already March! I've been at my job for almost 2 months now, when did that happen?!
Well, two months is a good time for an update. So far, 2011 looks promising.
The job is good, I really enjoy it. The work is not terribly exciting but the people are great and it's relatively low stress. I had to get used to the full-time schedule and I still miss being at home some days, but the structure is good for me. At night I can just relax and not think about what needs to be done tomorrow.
Our lives overall seem busier though. We always have something going on. Jeff is at class until 10:00 pm on Thursdays, time that you would think I could use to get things done. But mostly I've just been lazy on those nights. Thursdays are now becoming my "get together with women I've been meaing to get together with" night, so that adds a little busyness. I'm also writing for my wedding blog now, and it's a bit more time consuming than I anticipated.
School is going well for Jeff though. He passed his BFA review last weekend, which is fantastic!
In other news, the adoption process is moving along. We had our orientation last weekend and leanred a lot about Loving Alternatives and a lot about what to expect from here on out. The short version is that we have some more paperwork to turn in, a home study to get scheduled, and then a photo album to make. Our hope is to get that all done by the end of the summer, then they'll be able to start showing our family to birthmothers. From there, who knows when someone will pick us.
We're excited but it still seems pretty surreal, probably similar to the first few months of pregnancy. In still something actually starts happening, it's hard to believe anything is really going to happen.
I would like to keep up with the process here. I don't have a lot of words right now but I want to be able to go back and follow our journey through. It was need to find out that the orientation was exactly one year from when we first sat down with Ross and Staci to talk about adoption. We've learned a lot this past year and are eager to see what's next.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
I'm a Morning Person
It's true, I'm that person all the "not a morning person" people hate. I'll have conversation with you in the morning, I'll ask questions and make you think, it's best to stay clear.
What's interesting is about 6 months ago I started to question whether or not I was, in fact, a morning person. All my life I have enjoyed waking up early (well, since late college actually). Then this past year I started finding it harder and harder to get myself out of bed. I thought that my sleep patterns might be changing for some crazy reason and that I was no longer a person who enjoyed the morning time.
I realize now what the problem was. I didn't have any reason to get out of bed. I didn't have to go into the office at any particular time, if at all, so what was special about that early morning moment?
Now that I'm back in the 8-5 routine, I am once again in love with my mornings. Morning is the only time I have to just sit. Oh wait - I can use my new favorite phrase here: "il dolce far niente". It's Italian and translates to say "the sweetness of doing nothing." That's my favorite thing in the world!
My day is filled with stuff, I'm running here and there, thinking about this and that, talking to people, answering questions, planning my next step, and so on. ALL DAY LONG! I need a break, I need 20 minutes (preferably more, but I'll take what I can get) to clear my mind, have a cup of fresh coffee, put my feet up, and just breathe. That's my morning time, breathing time, quiet time. It's beautiful.
Welcome back, Morning! I missed you.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Confessions of a Crazy Person
Things are about to change.
I've been up and down and all over the place this past year when it comes to my schedule. Just over a year ago I left my structured, stable office job to do some random, spontaneous event planning. There are many things I have loved about having a flexible schedule and working from home. Nothing beats spending the morning in your PJs and taking a nap in the afternoon.
It's time to move on though, to what works best for me. I need structure, I need clear expectations, I need consistency. I've tired to set up a schedule for myself but I never stick to it. With no one holding me accountable, it's just much too easy to spend an extra 30 minutes on Facebook, or to put off calling that client who needs prices.
So even though I will greatly miss the ability to spend quality time at home and with friends, I think there will be great joys that come from finding my sanity again.
I've thought a lot about my flexible time, what I previously would have described as "freedom." What I discovered though is that there is no freedom in a chaotic schedule, for me. Without structure I'm a mess, I'm unproductive, and I'm stressed. I don't like the person I've been this past year. I've been lazy, I haven't been punctual, I haven't been a hard worker.
So for a crazy person like me, freedom comes from structure and consistency. I've already begun planning my new daily tasks. Between 5:30 am and 5:30 pm, I want my hours to look relatively the same. No more, "Mondays I'll do this, then Tuesdays I'll do this, and Wednesdays I'll start later" and so on. It doesn't work for me.
Office jobs are tedious and mundane, true. But I find joy in being organized, in checking things off my list, in seeing a color coded calendar. I know, again - crazy! But it's true.
I'm thankful for the new opportunity God has presented to me and am hopeful for an exciting year.
I've been up and down and all over the place this past year when it comes to my schedule. Just over a year ago I left my structured, stable office job to do some random, spontaneous event planning. There are many things I have loved about having a flexible schedule and working from home. Nothing beats spending the morning in your PJs and taking a nap in the afternoon.
It's time to move on though, to what works best for me. I need structure, I need clear expectations, I need consistency. I've tired to set up a schedule for myself but I never stick to it. With no one holding me accountable, it's just much too easy to spend an extra 30 minutes on Facebook, or to put off calling that client who needs prices.
So even though I will greatly miss the ability to spend quality time at home and with friends, I think there will be great joys that come from finding my sanity again.
I've thought a lot about my flexible time, what I previously would have described as "freedom." What I discovered though is that there is no freedom in a chaotic schedule, for me. Without structure I'm a mess, I'm unproductive, and I'm stressed. I don't like the person I've been this past year. I've been lazy, I haven't been punctual, I haven't been a hard worker.
So for a crazy person like me, freedom comes from structure and consistency. I've already begun planning my new daily tasks. Between 5:30 am and 5:30 pm, I want my hours to look relatively the same. No more, "Mondays I'll do this, then Tuesdays I'll do this, and Wednesdays I'll start later" and so on. It doesn't work for me.
Office jobs are tedious and mundane, true. But I find joy in being organized, in checking things off my list, in seeing a color coded calendar. I know, again - crazy! But it's true.
I'm thankful for the new opportunity God has presented to me and am hopeful for an exciting year.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Two Paths
It seems as though we have two different paths set before us that we could choose to take at this point in our lives. Well, sort of. We can't take either without some divine intervention, but if things were to work out these paths would be open options for us.
Path #1: Stay exactly where we are and keep living life as we have been for the past year, Jenni to get a more stable full-time job to provide for the family until Jeff graduates, potential to receive a child sooner if that job were to come along, may or may not get to keep the roommates since the house is small.
Path #2: Move to a bigger house in/near downtown Bryan, play a greater role in the community there, Jenni keep working at current job and start up side business, lots and lots of roommates, not sure what would happen with the adoption situation (may depend on finances).
Here's what I'm struggling with: Path #1 is safe, manageable, and predictable but overall could be pretty boring. Path #2 is terrifying, unknown, and challenging, but may be more exciting and lead to a more fulfilling life. The "Jesus" thing to do is Path #2, of course. The disciples followed him even though they didn't know what to expect and things would be really hard for them. That's the life we're supposed to live as well.
But deep down, in the center most parts of my soul, I don't feel that God is saying yes or no to either path. I feel like He's giving us a choice and no matter which one we choose He is going to be pleased with us. Path #1 may not put us smack dab in the middle of homelessville, but it will continue to give us opportunity to love on those we interact with every day at work and at home. So it would not necessarily be a bad choice.
That one seems like the easy choice though, the safe choice. I don't know if I'm ok with taking the path that would require less of me. But I also don't know if I'm prepared for the other, either. It would be hard, a lot of sacrifice, am I ready for that?
Good news is I can't really make any choice until the doors are opened, meaning we qualify to buy a house or I'm offered another job. I'm one that always like to think through the possibilities though so I know what my answer will be when that time comes. It's a little crazy, I know.
Path #1: Stay exactly where we are and keep living life as we have been for the past year, Jenni to get a more stable full-time job to provide for the family until Jeff graduates, potential to receive a child sooner if that job were to come along, may or may not get to keep the roommates since the house is small.
Path #2: Move to a bigger house in/near downtown Bryan, play a greater role in the community there, Jenni keep working at current job and start up side business, lots and lots of roommates, not sure what would happen with the adoption situation (may depend on finances).
Here's what I'm struggling with: Path #1 is safe, manageable, and predictable but overall could be pretty boring. Path #2 is terrifying, unknown, and challenging, but may be more exciting and lead to a more fulfilling life. The "Jesus" thing to do is Path #2, of course. The disciples followed him even though they didn't know what to expect and things would be really hard for them. That's the life we're supposed to live as well.
But deep down, in the center most parts of my soul, I don't feel that God is saying yes or no to either path. I feel like He's giving us a choice and no matter which one we choose He is going to be pleased with us. Path #1 may not put us smack dab in the middle of homelessville, but it will continue to give us opportunity to love on those we interact with every day at work and at home. So it would not necessarily be a bad choice.
That one seems like the easy choice though, the safe choice. I don't know if I'm ok with taking the path that would require less of me. But I also don't know if I'm prepared for the other, either. It would be hard, a lot of sacrifice, am I ready for that?
Good news is I can't really make any choice until the doors are opened, meaning we qualify to buy a house or I'm offered another job. I'm one that always like to think through the possibilities though so I know what my answer will be when that time comes. It's a little crazy, I know.
Friday, October 29, 2010
What A Beautiful Mess I'm In
Good ol' Diamond Rio came to mind on my drive to work this morning. I was actually listening to a different (very unrelated) song and the thought of "I'm living in a beautiful mess" came to mind.
If you asked us the typical, "how's life?" question over the past two months, you would have gotten some very different answers between then and now. Two months ago we probably would have said, "life's good, just normal, nothing going on." It was the truth. Now, however, I feel inclined to honestly answer the question by saying, "life's a little bit messy right now."
What has made life messy? I think a lot of it has to do with our desire to start the process of adopting a baby. Exciting, right?! It's also made us think a lot about our current situation and how there are quite a few things that need to change before we can have the "ideal" living environment.
1. Jenni needs a job that pays her enough to cover our monthly expenses and have a little left over to pay for a new baby.
2. It would be great to have more space to house a baby and college students.
3. Family concerns have made us realize just how hard it is going to be to raise an adopted child and to answer questions like, "why would you adopt, isn't that risky?"
It's easy for me to allow all those things to build into giant stress monsters, but God has graciously reminded me that I have nothing to worry about. He is always in control and knows our situation better than anyone. This is where the beautiful part comes in - there are so many things we have to be thankful for.
1. Jenni has a job! And she is able to provide for the majority of our monthly expenses. We've also been blessed with a decent-sized savings account to help with the rest. And, praise the Lord, Jeff has the opportunity to finish school right now so he can do something he loves later on to provide for our family.
2. We own a house! And our monthly mortgage payments are sooo cheap. We have been blessed with the opportunity to live with some really awesome guys the past year and a half. God has revealed to us our heart for community and our desire to love people by sharing our space with them. We hope to continue having people live with us even when there is a baby here.
3. Adoption will be hard at times. Parenting is hard at times. But it will also be so great! We'll have to learn how to have grace for those that don't understand adoption. We'll also get to share how much of a blessing it is, even with all the "risks" and how we hope to do it over again and again.
So that is what's on my mind this morning. I truly am living in a "beautiful mess" and my prayer is that God keeps me focused on the "beautiful" part of that. I'll leave with the words of that other song I was listening to, because it so clearly describes the reason why I am able to keep on keeping on every day.
_____________________________________________________________________________
You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
You are everything that I breathe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart
_____________________________________________________________________________
Nice.
If you asked us the typical, "how's life?" question over the past two months, you would have gotten some very different answers between then and now. Two months ago we probably would have said, "life's good, just normal, nothing going on." It was the truth. Now, however, I feel inclined to honestly answer the question by saying, "life's a little bit messy right now."
What has made life messy? I think a lot of it has to do with our desire to start the process of adopting a baby. Exciting, right?! It's also made us think a lot about our current situation and how there are quite a few things that need to change before we can have the "ideal" living environment.
1. Jenni needs a job that pays her enough to cover our monthly expenses and have a little left over to pay for a new baby.
2. It would be great to have more space to house a baby and college students.
3. Family concerns have made us realize just how hard it is going to be to raise an adopted child and to answer questions like, "why would you adopt, isn't that risky?"
It's easy for me to allow all those things to build into giant stress monsters, but God has graciously reminded me that I have nothing to worry about. He is always in control and knows our situation better than anyone. This is where the beautiful part comes in - there are so many things we have to be thankful for.
1. Jenni has a job! And she is able to provide for the majority of our monthly expenses. We've also been blessed with a decent-sized savings account to help with the rest. And, praise the Lord, Jeff has the opportunity to finish school right now so he can do something he loves later on to provide for our family.
2. We own a house! And our monthly mortgage payments are sooo cheap. We have been blessed with the opportunity to live with some really awesome guys the past year and a half. God has revealed to us our heart for community and our desire to love people by sharing our space with them. We hope to continue having people live with us even when there is a baby here.
3. Adoption will be hard at times. Parenting is hard at times. But it will also be so great! We'll have to learn how to have grace for those that don't understand adoption. We'll also get to share how much of a blessing it is, even with all the "risks" and how we hope to do it over again and again.
So that is what's on my mind this morning. I truly am living in a "beautiful mess" and my prayer is that God keeps me focused on the "beautiful" part of that. I'll leave with the words of that other song I was listening to, because it so clearly describes the reason why I am able to keep on keeping on every day.
_____________________________________________________________________________
You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
You are everything that I breathe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart
_____________________________________________________________________________
Nice.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Brave
We're entering the early stages of adoption - processing what to do, when to do, and how. There are A LOT of paths we could take and, while we have an idea of what we'd like to do, we are trying to stay open to all possibilities God might have for us.
One possibility is bringing in the children of women living on the streets in order to provide quality, loving care for their little ones while those moms sort through tough decisions about how they are going to live their lives and how they are going to take care of their children. This may or may not lead to adoption, the mission is more focused on loving those kids and their mama - hoping that she'll make the right choices and be the loving family those babies need.
The idea of bringing in “street babies” is noble but scary. It would be very difficult to work with kids who have experienced things I can’t even dream of. And then even more difficult to send them back into that environment, once Mom gets back on her feet. But after watching a video for one of the ministries that does this and seeing the faces of these babies, I don’t know how anyone would not be moved to want to help. The opportunity to give them real, genuine love during the vital parts of their developing years would be a privilege and a blessing to all. That time would be something those kids would take with them forever, that could possibly change their lives.
I heard Nicole Nordeman’s song “Brave” on the radio yesterday and started thinking about her words, “you make me want to be brave.” I don’t know what the song is about but I started to think about who I could say such a phrase to. I don’t believe I am a very brave person, I’m pretty scrawny and not too confident in my ability to defend or protect. Jeff doesn’t make me want to be brave, because he’s brave – he protects me so I don’t feel I have to be that for him. The same with Jesus, he’s brave, he’s my defender, so I don’t feel that I need to be the brave one.
But what about my babies. Who is their defender? Jesus, of course. But here on earth, who is going to protect them? Jeff will, but there will be times when I’m with our babies alone – and I’m going to need to be brave. I’m going to need to stand up for them and defend them spiritually, emotionally, and possibly even physically. I don’t feel ready in any way, shape, or form to take on such a task. But then, when I look at their faces, I can easily say, “you make me want to be brave.”
Help me brave, Lord.
One possibility is bringing in the children of women living on the streets in order to provide quality, loving care for their little ones while those moms sort through tough decisions about how they are going to live their lives and how they are going to take care of their children. This may or may not lead to adoption, the mission is more focused on loving those kids and their mama - hoping that she'll make the right choices and be the loving family those babies need.
The idea of bringing in “street babies” is noble but scary. It would be very difficult to work with kids who have experienced things I can’t even dream of. And then even more difficult to send them back into that environment, once Mom gets back on her feet. But after watching a video for one of the ministries that does this and seeing the faces of these babies, I don’t know how anyone would not be moved to want to help. The opportunity to give them real, genuine love during the vital parts of their developing years would be a privilege and a blessing to all. That time would be something those kids would take with them forever, that could possibly change their lives.
I heard Nicole Nordeman’s song “Brave” on the radio yesterday and started thinking about her words, “you make me want to be brave.” I don’t know what the song is about but I started to think about who I could say such a phrase to. I don’t believe I am a very brave person, I’m pretty scrawny and not too confident in my ability to defend or protect. Jeff doesn’t make me want to be brave, because he’s brave – he protects me so I don’t feel I have to be that for him. The same with Jesus, he’s brave, he’s my defender, so I don’t feel that I need to be the brave one.
But what about my babies. Who is their defender? Jesus, of course. But here on earth, who is going to protect them? Jeff will, but there will be times when I’m with our babies alone – and I’m going to need to be brave. I’m going to need to stand up for them and defend them spiritually, emotionally, and possibly even physically. I don’t feel ready in any way, shape, or form to take on such a task. But then, when I look at their faces, I can easily say, “you make me want to be brave.”
Help me brave, Lord.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Working at Home...Revised
Awhile ago (like back in March) I posted about all the glories of working at home. Things like a flexible schedule, casual dress code, ability to go to the store in the morning all made the list. And those aspects are certainly fabulous but now I am starting to think more about who I am and how I function, does this type of lifestyle produce the best in me?
I think the answer is no...plain and simple. I love the extra time I have but I've also found myself more stressed out, frustrated, and exhausted.
Here is why I think this has happened.
My personality type needs structure, I need to know exactly what is expected of me, what needs to be done, and when I need to do it. I work well serving other people because they can tell me what they want from me and there are very few big decisions I have to make on my own.
I am a hard worker, I've always prided myself on being efficient and productive in my work (not necessarily true at home though). I've worked since I was 11 and my parents passed down high expectations for my work ethic. Not trying to toot my own horn but almost every boss I have ever had has absolutely loved me. This is mostly because I do what I'm told, when I'm told to have it done, and I show up to work on time. Pretty simple, but hard for a lot of people to grasp.
Now I'm in this self-management, self-evaluate, self-motivate situation and it's not going so well. I just can't seem to get into a consistent routine which in turn means I'm not using my time well. This makes me feel like poo. Really.
So while I have more free time, I have been finding myself feeling blue during that time because I'm not sure what exactly I should be doing. And what's worse is many times I do know what I should be doing but cannot bring myself to get them done. I mean, when I have no deadline and no one waiting on me, why not wait until tomorrow, right? Ugh, I hate that attitude.
What to do now? I really don't know. The luxuries of working at home have been grand, but it's probably not worth it if I end every day feeling like a failure and just wanting to crawl back into bed (as if tomorrow will be any different). Is 8-5 calling my name? When will I go to the store?!
8-5 can also be great, if your personality is similar to mine. I used to go to work at the same time everyday (therefore I had a consistent morning routine and truly enjoyed that time), sit down with my list so I knew exactly what needed to be accomplished that day, then go home at the end of the day and forget all about work until the next morning. I was able to appreciate my time in the evenings and on the weekends because I knew I had gotten all of my work done and had nothing to worry about.
Bummer...
I guess you live and learn, find out more about who God made you to be, then embrace it.
Time to embrace.
I think the answer is no...plain and simple. I love the extra time I have but I've also found myself more stressed out, frustrated, and exhausted.
Here is why I think this has happened.
My personality type needs structure, I need to know exactly what is expected of me, what needs to be done, and when I need to do it. I work well serving other people because they can tell me what they want from me and there are very few big decisions I have to make on my own.
I am a hard worker, I've always prided myself on being efficient and productive in my work (not necessarily true at home though). I've worked since I was 11 and my parents passed down high expectations for my work ethic. Not trying to toot my own horn but almost every boss I have ever had has absolutely loved me. This is mostly because I do what I'm told, when I'm told to have it done, and I show up to work on time. Pretty simple, but hard for a lot of people to grasp.
Now I'm in this self-management, self-evaluate, self-motivate situation and it's not going so well. I just can't seem to get into a consistent routine which in turn means I'm not using my time well. This makes me feel like poo. Really.
So while I have more free time, I have been finding myself feeling blue during that time because I'm not sure what exactly I should be doing. And what's worse is many times I do know what I should be doing but cannot bring myself to get them done. I mean, when I have no deadline and no one waiting on me, why not wait until tomorrow, right? Ugh, I hate that attitude.
What to do now? I really don't know. The luxuries of working at home have been grand, but it's probably not worth it if I end every day feeling like a failure and just wanting to crawl back into bed (as if tomorrow will be any different). Is 8-5 calling my name? When will I go to the store?!
8-5 can also be great, if your personality is similar to mine. I used to go to work at the same time everyday (therefore I had a consistent morning routine and truly enjoyed that time), sit down with my list so I knew exactly what needed to be accomplished that day, then go home at the end of the day and forget all about work until the next morning. I was able to appreciate my time in the evenings and on the weekends because I knew I had gotten all of my work done and had nothing to worry about.
Bummer...
I guess you live and learn, find out more about who God made you to be, then embrace it.
Time to embrace.
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