I had a bit of a revelation tonight that I need to jot down in order for my thoughts to make any sense.
Jeff and I love our church, it's a great church. We never thought we would find a place where people simply strive to live according to the Bible, to love God and one another above all other things. We've learned a lot there, met great people, we've been taken care of and encouraged. We've learned what it means to live in community with one another and to make that an important priority in our lives.
Tonight we were discussing the next group of "leavers" that would be graduating and moving onto bigger and better things. We were frustrated. Our church really pushes community - that God called us to live in unity with one another, to share everything we have and take care of one another. We simply can't do life alone. And I believe that 100%.
So why do people keep leaving? Don't they get it?! The world says you go to college, graduate, then move away to get a "real" job. We say the world doesn't know what they are talking about and sometimes being in community is more important than any job. So we get frustrated.
Whenever someones tells me they are leaving, I tend to have a typical tone that sounds something like, "oh...well...I'm not happy you're going but I'll try to be supportive." It's upsetting that they think they have to move on to new places rather than staying here and living life with us, even if it means they work at a coffee shop for the rest of their life!
Then it occurred to me that maybe I'm wrong.
I started to think about an organization called Team Expansion. They're located in Kentucky and their purpose is to send people off to plant new churches. Their process begins when people feel called to become a part of this group of believers and they move to Kentucky to spend 1-2 years preparing for their mission. Of course there has to be someone there to train them - that is what the people who have been called to live and stay in Kentucky do. These soon-to-be missionaries come in, they learn, they grow, they do life with the people in Kentucky and become equipped with the necessary skills to go plant churches elsewhere.
How ridiculous would it be if the people who live in Kentucky got upset every time someone left?! I mean that IS their mission - to raise people up, train them in the ways they need to go, and send them out. If they were to be upset with those people who now were leaving, I would say they have a problem!
Is this any different from what we do here in College Station, Texas? Jeff and I felt called to come here and minister to college students. College students are the ones in that "trainee" phase of life, being taught and shaped so God can take them and use them in many different areas. Yet we're upset and confused when people don't stay in town. The more I think about it, the more it really doesn't make sense!
If we would allow ourselves to see God's bigger plan, we would see our role in it as Equippers and Moblizers for greater things than we can imagine.
As we teach people what is looks like to earnestly seek God's direction, I also need to be open to the path God has for them. Some will feel called to stay - we need them so God will provide them. Some will feel called to go - the world needs them so God is trusting us to send them out.
The message that I need to be sending to those we encounter is: over the next few years, make your future a focal point in prayer. Don't adhere to the world's standard of - go to college, graduate, get a job. Prayerfully consider what God is calling you to do. Then work towards it, seek counsel, knowledge, experience, and learn to live in community. Equip yourselves to do it well.
Why am I missing this and becoming angry when people decide to go elsewhere? Am I being selfish - too focused on the pain of people leaving and not focused on a greater plan? Am I being prideful because I think it's great here and others should see that too? Am I simply just too busy and too tired to invest this kind of focused training? It's not like it's a one time thing, people are coming in all the time, every year.
In all this, I believe what the Spirit is laying on my heart is that my vision needs to be teaching, equipping, and sending people out with the knowledge of what community looks like so they can create it in new places. God will provide those to stay that are needed, we'll always have everything we need. It's never going to get easier, watching those you love leave is dreadful - but do I wallow in my sadness or do I rejoice in what God has planned?
I'm curious to see what this means for us as a couple. God's been working hard on the hearts of the people in our body - doing big things, changing things, breaking things. It's been rough. So maybe this is one area I need to let go of for the sake of following Jesus.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Work-At-Home: Glorious!... yet Challenging
I've been learning over the past few weeks about the splendor of working at home. At first, it wasn't splendor as much as chaos, but I think I'm starting to figure it out. There are many perks to working from home but there are also challenges. The key, I believe, is to finding the balance and in the end - just enjoying life! Here is what I have discovered:
Great Things About Working at Home...
1. Flexible Schedule - when I began my "real world" career a couple years back, I thought I would absolutely love working in an office setting. I'm a very structured, scheduled person so to me - 8 to 5 was perfect! I knew exactly what my days would look like and could stop thinking about work as soon as I left the office. Then the obvious happened, I got bored. And I missed having time in my day to do non-work things, like have lunch with a friend. Now, I can do that and it's great! I can even take a longer lunch and avoid stopping her mid-sentence to say, "I've gotta go back to work."
2. Casual Dress Code - While I did enjoy the cute, yet expensive, business attire I was required to wear at the office, nothing... and I mean nothing... beats spending the first few hours of the day in pajama pants! If all I'm doing in the morning is responding to emails and surfing for the latest industry info, nobody cares what I'm wearing. Of course, there is the occasional embarrassing UPS delivery - ah well, he'd probably do it too if he could.
3. Daytime House Cleaning/ Shopping Trips - Can you relate when I say that I cannot get anything done around the house when my husband is home (plus two college guys who we house)? It's not because he makes a big mess or anything, more because when he's home I just want to hang out with him! Therefore, having an empty house during the day has made it much easier to do a load of laundry, vacuum, or make a run to the grocery store.
4. Quality Time With The Dog - Ok, so we don't have kids yet and I don't treasure moments spent with our dog, though he is pretty cute! But it is nice to be able to take him for walks and I feel better about not leaving him at home alone all the time. This perk will probably be even greater when we have kids and I am able to spend quality time with them - rather than being away from home 9 hours a day.
All of these things are great, but there still are some challenges I am facing...
Not-So-Great Things About Working At Home:
1. Managing a Spontaneous Schedule - Some people are great at this because they are naturally spontaneous. I, however, am not. As stated previously, I am a very structured, "plan everything down to the minute" type person. Being at home has meant that my day is not set for me and it is up to me to make a schedule. It's been getting better but I still have trouble allotting time to the most important task rather than filling my time with less productive activities.
2. Money is Tight - Hopefully this won't always be the case but most of the time, when working at home it means you either started your own business or are paid by commission. Mine is the latter. Getting started is rough and we've had a few short-handed months but we see great potential in the future. A piece of advice if you are looking to start an at-home business - save a few months' salary first.
3. Easily Distracted - This goes along with scheduling but at home it's a lot easier to get distracted away from work by household chores, friends/family, and just surfing the web or television. My goal each day is to set a specific amount of time that I will "work" and focus on nothing but my task list for that time (which usually goes over because of pop-up emails and phone calls). After I have completed those things, I am more free to do other "non-work" items. The system is still progressing... certainly not perfected.
4. Motivation - Working at home definitely requires one to be self-motivated. I would like to think I am a very self-motivated person, but there are tasks that I just hate to do. So it's hard to put effort into those things, I usually have to break these tasks down into pieces and say to myself, "just focus on this part, that's all." It sometimes works. Sometimes I just need someone to yell in my ear, suck it up, and do the not fun things that I need to do.
Overall, I'm finding that life is better when you are able to choose to spend more time doing the things you love. I've found that I would much rather get stuff done and then go about my non-work business rather than spending 8 hours in an office, making up projects in order to pass the time.
So thanks for the blessing, Lord! I will try very hard to do it well :)
Great Things About Working at Home...
1. Flexible Schedule - when I began my "real world" career a couple years back, I thought I would absolutely love working in an office setting. I'm a very structured, scheduled person so to me - 8 to 5 was perfect! I knew exactly what my days would look like and could stop thinking about work as soon as I left the office. Then the obvious happened, I got bored. And I missed having time in my day to do non-work things, like have lunch with a friend. Now, I can do that and it's great! I can even take a longer lunch and avoid stopping her mid-sentence to say, "I've gotta go back to work."
2. Casual Dress Code - While I did enjoy the cute, yet expensive, business attire I was required to wear at the office, nothing... and I mean nothing... beats spending the first few hours of the day in pajama pants! If all I'm doing in the morning is responding to emails and surfing for the latest industry info, nobody cares what I'm wearing. Of course, there is the occasional embarrassing UPS delivery - ah well, he'd probably do it too if he could.
3. Daytime House Cleaning/ Shopping Trips - Can you relate when I say that I cannot get anything done around the house when my husband is home (plus two college guys who we house)? It's not because he makes a big mess or anything, more because when he's home I just want to hang out with him! Therefore, having an empty house during the day has made it much easier to do a load of laundry, vacuum, or make a run to the grocery store.
4. Quality Time With The Dog - Ok, so we don't have kids yet and I don't treasure moments spent with our dog, though he is pretty cute! But it is nice to be able to take him for walks and I feel better about not leaving him at home alone all the time. This perk will probably be even greater when we have kids and I am able to spend quality time with them - rather than being away from home 9 hours a day.
All of these things are great, but there still are some challenges I am facing...
Not-So-Great Things About Working At Home:
1. Managing a Spontaneous Schedule - Some people are great at this because they are naturally spontaneous. I, however, am not. As stated previously, I am a very structured, "plan everything down to the minute" type person. Being at home has meant that my day is not set for me and it is up to me to make a schedule. It's been getting better but I still have trouble allotting time to the most important task rather than filling my time with less productive activities.
2. Money is Tight - Hopefully this won't always be the case but most of the time, when working at home it means you either started your own business or are paid by commission. Mine is the latter. Getting started is rough and we've had a few short-handed months but we see great potential in the future. A piece of advice if you are looking to start an at-home business - save a few months' salary first.
3. Easily Distracted - This goes along with scheduling but at home it's a lot easier to get distracted away from work by household chores, friends/family, and just surfing the web or television. My goal each day is to set a specific amount of time that I will "work" and focus on nothing but my task list for that time (which usually goes over because of pop-up emails and phone calls). After I have completed those things, I am more free to do other "non-work" items. The system is still progressing... certainly not perfected.
4. Motivation - Working at home definitely requires one to be self-motivated. I would like to think I am a very self-motivated person, but there are tasks that I just hate to do. So it's hard to put effort into those things, I usually have to break these tasks down into pieces and say to myself, "just focus on this part, that's all." It sometimes works. Sometimes I just need someone to yell in my ear, suck it up, and do the not fun things that I need to do.
Overall, I'm finding that life is better when you are able to choose to spend more time doing the things you love. I've found that I would much rather get stuff done and then go about my non-work business rather than spending 8 hours in an office, making up projects in order to pass the time.
So thanks for the blessing, Lord! I will try very hard to do it well :)
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Work Hard...but Work Less
I was hoping to title this post "Uncluttered" but it hasn't happened yet, maybe it never will. I have learned a few things over the past week, mostly relating to how little I trust God with my time. After I discovered the "clutter" in my life, I immediately tried to set up a new schedule that would help me focus on work during work hours and home during home hours. It worked for one day!
I picked up the book, "Running Nowhere in Every Direction" which is study I did during college (and during my first few months of marriage). It was rather amusing to read through my notes about what things I was enjoying and what things I was finding to be difficult. One thing that remains the same is trying to manage my time. There are so many ways I would like to spend my time but finding myself continuously overwhelmed by needing to do the "important" things first. The chapters on Trust and Happiness really spoke to me. I've been asking myself if I truly trust God to handle my schedule - it seems so trivial, why would He care aboout that? But if I believe God desires my happiness, and I do, then I should be willing to give it up.
One of our roommates told us the other day about a ministry he has been involved in. I don't remember the name of the group, but they provide food to a large group of hippies that get together once a year. What stuck with me is the story he told about the leader he worked with. They had found a place to set up camp and now had to build a functional kitchen and dining area before the event began and they had 20,000 people coming to them for food. I don't remember how long they had to complete the task, but it wasn't very long! He said the first morning they woke up and came together for a time of prayer and worship... which lasted until lunch... then the leader said, "alright, let's make some lunch and then get started." Looking at the list of everything they needed to accomplish that day, there was no way they could get it done before sundown. My head would have been spinning, I doubt I would have been able to worship because I would have been looking at my watch, thinking, "are you kidding me, let's go!"
So they got started after lunch... and got everything done that needed to be done for the day.
This is how the guy functions - just giving his time to God and trusting that whatever needs to get done that day will get done. He doesn't work his day around his own clock but focuses on God's time.
I want to be like that. I don't know how though. What I realized is that I have been given a job that will allow me this sort of freedom. No longer am I trapped in an office from 8:00 am - 5:00 pm and no longer do I have expectations on what hours I should be working. The only expectation I have on me is that I do my job - that I book events, plan them, and run them well; that I make money for the business! So now I have an opportunity to give my day to God, to seek His guidance each morning on how I should spend my day, and to trust everything that needs to be completed, will be completed.
Yesterday I tried it out, it was hard! It was great, I had an awesome day. I spent the morning at the Lord's feet in prayer and worship, trying to discern what He was speaking to me. When I felt a peace about it, I went about my daily business, including home chores first, lunch, then heading up to work for an appointment. And guess what, everything got done!
What was hard about it was how unproductive I felt all morning. I wasn't able to just lay at His feet and relax, I was struggling over and over with the thought of, "should I be doing something else?" My fears are that: a) I would become lazy - this time would not be time with my Father but just a time that I don't want to do anything else that I should be doing, and b) That those around me would see me as unproductive and that I don't utilize my time well. I know these things are not important in the big picture but they are aspects of my character that has always been important to me. Hard work and good work ethic speak a lot about who I am and how I was raised, or so I think they do.
That leads me to the question... is it possible to be a hard worker while working less than 40 hours a week?
Jeff and I have always agreed that we want to enjoy our jobs. When we work, we spend the majority of our life during that season at work, and it is just a terrible thought to be miserable during that time. A lot of responses I get to this is, "that's why it's called work, no one said it would be fun," or "sometimes you just have to suck it up and fight through a tough job for a couple of years before you can find something better." Ugh! This is not truth to me. The God I know is one who desires the very best for my life - that doesn't mean it won't be hard - but it does mean that if we follow hard after Him, trusting Him with our lives, we will be blessed in ways we could never imagine. Work is work because it's hard, I know I would much rather play and rest than work. But work doesn't have to be miserable.
So I'm now on a journey to see what it looks like if I give my work up to God. I don't know what that means but I do know that worry, stress, and anxiety are not a part of it. If I'm feeling those things, then I need to stop and redirect my focus. Lord, help me!
I picked up the book, "Running Nowhere in Every Direction" which is study I did during college (and during my first few months of marriage). It was rather amusing to read through my notes about what things I was enjoying and what things I was finding to be difficult. One thing that remains the same is trying to manage my time. There are so many ways I would like to spend my time but finding myself continuously overwhelmed by needing to do the "important" things first. The chapters on Trust and Happiness really spoke to me. I've been asking myself if I truly trust God to handle my schedule - it seems so trivial, why would He care aboout that? But if I believe God desires my happiness, and I do, then I should be willing to give it up.
One of our roommates told us the other day about a ministry he has been involved in. I don't remember the name of the group, but they provide food to a large group of hippies that get together once a year. What stuck with me is the story he told about the leader he worked with. They had found a place to set up camp and now had to build a functional kitchen and dining area before the event began and they had 20,000 people coming to them for food. I don't remember how long they had to complete the task, but it wasn't very long! He said the first morning they woke up and came together for a time of prayer and worship... which lasted until lunch... then the leader said, "alright, let's make some lunch and then get started." Looking at the list of everything they needed to accomplish that day, there was no way they could get it done before sundown. My head would have been spinning, I doubt I would have been able to worship because I would have been looking at my watch, thinking, "are you kidding me, let's go!"
So they got started after lunch... and got everything done that needed to be done for the day.
This is how the guy functions - just giving his time to God and trusting that whatever needs to get done that day will get done. He doesn't work his day around his own clock but focuses on God's time.
I want to be like that. I don't know how though. What I realized is that I have been given a job that will allow me this sort of freedom. No longer am I trapped in an office from 8:00 am - 5:00 pm and no longer do I have expectations on what hours I should be working. The only expectation I have on me is that I do my job - that I book events, plan them, and run them well; that I make money for the business! So now I have an opportunity to give my day to God, to seek His guidance each morning on how I should spend my day, and to trust everything that needs to be completed, will be completed.
Yesterday I tried it out, it was hard! It was great, I had an awesome day. I spent the morning at the Lord's feet in prayer and worship, trying to discern what He was speaking to me. When I felt a peace about it, I went about my daily business, including home chores first, lunch, then heading up to work for an appointment. And guess what, everything got done!
What was hard about it was how unproductive I felt all morning. I wasn't able to just lay at His feet and relax, I was struggling over and over with the thought of, "should I be doing something else?" My fears are that: a) I would become lazy - this time would not be time with my Father but just a time that I don't want to do anything else that I should be doing, and b) That those around me would see me as unproductive and that I don't utilize my time well. I know these things are not important in the big picture but they are aspects of my character that has always been important to me. Hard work and good work ethic speak a lot about who I am and how I was raised, or so I think they do.
That leads me to the question... is it possible to be a hard worker while working less than 40 hours a week?
Jeff and I have always agreed that we want to enjoy our jobs. When we work, we spend the majority of our life during that season at work, and it is just a terrible thought to be miserable during that time. A lot of responses I get to this is, "that's why it's called work, no one said it would be fun," or "sometimes you just have to suck it up and fight through a tough job for a couple of years before you can find something better." Ugh! This is not truth to me. The God I know is one who desires the very best for my life - that doesn't mean it won't be hard - but it does mean that if we follow hard after Him, trusting Him with our lives, we will be blessed in ways we could never imagine. Work is work because it's hard, I know I would much rather play and rest than work. But work doesn't have to be miserable.
So I'm now on a journey to see what it looks like if I give my work up to God. I don't know what that means but I do know that worry, stress, and anxiety are not a part of it. If I'm feeling those things, then I need to stop and redirect my focus. Lord, help me!
Monday, March 1, 2010
Cluttered
clut-ter: to fill or cover with scattered or disordered things that impede movement or reduce effectiveness.
That's how I feel this morning - my life is cluttered. It's a shame too because I've always taken great pride in being organized. At my last job everything was completed, filed away, and my desk was clean by the end of the day. Now, I can't seem to wrap my head around anything.
I got up this morning and looked at our kitchen counters - cluttered, our bedroom - cluttered, our washer - broken! Great morning....
The thing that gets me most about the definition above is "that impede movement or reduce effectiveness." That is how I have been feeling lately. That my world is so out of control and everything is so cluttered that I am of no use to God right now. I believe this chaos mostly has to do with my new job and learning to work with a spontaneous schedule. Just when I feel like I have something down, something else pops up and I start all over.
No matter what the reason is, I don't like. I don't like feeling cluttered, I don't like being disorganized, I don't like feeling out of control. I can't seem to sit down and rest in the Lord because I am running nowhere in every direction!
(that was actually the title of a book I read in college, good book - maybe I should pick it back up)
So the sermons at our church the past couple of weeks have been addressing the cost of following Jesus. Our pastor/elder/preacher has been challenging us to ask the big question of, "what have I given up to follow Jesus" and "what now, what else does He require of me to truly follow hard after Him?" A lot of people have been tossed upside down by this question and are feeling led to pray about making some big changes in their lives.
My struggle with it all is that I sat in church last night feeling like I was missing something. To be honest, we have missed the past couple of sermons - due to childcare and work (we can touch on that more later). But we did listen to the online podcasts and still feel like we're missing something. I know a lot of the families are struggling with the question of whether or not they should take in a Haitian orphan and a lot of the students are struggling with the question of why they're studying what they are studying and pursuing in life. But is there another big issue that was addressed, or is the Spirit just working hard in each person individually?
I can't say I feel content with where we are, there is always something more we can be doing. But I do feel that right now, we are very much living a life of sacrifice. I don't mean to sound like we're holier than everyone else and have it all figured out, because we don't. But our lifestyle right now honestly leaves me asking, "what more, Lord?" We're already squeezing four people into a tiny 1100 sq ft townhome that we pay less than $500 a month for. We've cut one of our incomes so Jeff can go back to school, which we 100% believe is from the Lord. I've recently taken a job that pays me next to nothing in order to live by faith and trust that God will provide. And we've been waiting patiently to have a baby for the past couple of years that I'm starting to think won't come along until after Jeff is done with school.
Now can we spend our time differently? Sure! We can watch Friends less and go help the poor and needy with our free time. I know very few non-ComChurch goers so I could be very challenged to go out and meet some new people (that's a hard area for me). We don't have a lot of money, but what we do have does not always get spent in the best ways. I'm constantly dreaming about the future and find it very hard to be content with my current situation (something that I do believe God is challenging me to stop doing).
But I still don't know if there is something bigger, something more "spiritual" that God is calling us to do. When I look at our lives, I do see that we live differently than most of the world but we certainly don't live like Shane Claiborne. Should we?
So what, God? What more can we do? We desire more than anything to chase after the one only way of living that is real and we will leave everything behind. We ask that You would reveal to us those areas that we hold too tightly and any places of our hearts that need to be tugged on. Thank You for grace!
That's how I feel this morning - my life is cluttered. It's a shame too because I've always taken great pride in being organized. At my last job everything was completed, filed away, and my desk was clean by the end of the day. Now, I can't seem to wrap my head around anything.
I got up this morning and looked at our kitchen counters - cluttered, our bedroom - cluttered, our washer - broken! Great morning....
The thing that gets me most about the definition above is "that impede movement or reduce effectiveness." That is how I have been feeling lately. That my world is so out of control and everything is so cluttered that I am of no use to God right now. I believe this chaos mostly has to do with my new job and learning to work with a spontaneous schedule. Just when I feel like I have something down, something else pops up and I start all over.
No matter what the reason is, I don't like. I don't like feeling cluttered, I don't like being disorganized, I don't like feeling out of control. I can't seem to sit down and rest in the Lord because I am running nowhere in every direction!
(that was actually the title of a book I read in college, good book - maybe I should pick it back up)
So the sermons at our church the past couple of weeks have been addressing the cost of following Jesus. Our pastor/elder/preacher has been challenging us to ask the big question of, "what have I given up to follow Jesus" and "what now, what else does He require of me to truly follow hard after Him?" A lot of people have been tossed upside down by this question and are feeling led to pray about making some big changes in their lives.
My struggle with it all is that I sat in church last night feeling like I was missing something. To be honest, we have missed the past couple of sermons - due to childcare and work (we can touch on that more later). But we did listen to the online podcasts and still feel like we're missing something. I know a lot of the families are struggling with the question of whether or not they should take in a Haitian orphan and a lot of the students are struggling with the question of why they're studying what they are studying and pursuing in life. But is there another big issue that was addressed, or is the Spirit just working hard in each person individually?
I can't say I feel content with where we are, there is always something more we can be doing. But I do feel that right now, we are very much living a life of sacrifice. I don't mean to sound like we're holier than everyone else and have it all figured out, because we don't. But our lifestyle right now honestly leaves me asking, "what more, Lord?" We're already squeezing four people into a tiny 1100 sq ft townhome that we pay less than $500 a month for. We've cut one of our incomes so Jeff can go back to school, which we 100% believe is from the Lord. I've recently taken a job that pays me next to nothing in order to live by faith and trust that God will provide. And we've been waiting patiently to have a baby for the past couple of years that I'm starting to think won't come along until after Jeff is done with school.
Now can we spend our time differently? Sure! We can watch Friends less and go help the poor and needy with our free time. I know very few non-ComChurch goers so I could be very challenged to go out and meet some new people (that's a hard area for me). We don't have a lot of money, but what we do have does not always get spent in the best ways. I'm constantly dreaming about the future and find it very hard to be content with my current situation (something that I do believe God is challenging me to stop doing).
But I still don't know if there is something bigger, something more "spiritual" that God is calling us to do. When I look at our lives, I do see that we live differently than most of the world but we certainly don't live like Shane Claiborne. Should we?
So what, God? What more can we do? We desire more than anything to chase after the one only way of living that is real and we will leave everything behind. We ask that You would reveal to us those areas that we hold too tightly and any places of our hearts that need to be tugged on. Thank You for grace!
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