Good ol' Diamond Rio came to mind on my drive to work this morning. I was actually listening to a different (very unrelated) song and the thought of "I'm living in a beautiful mess" came to mind.
If you asked us the typical, "how's life?" question over the past two months, you would have gotten some very different answers between then and now. Two months ago we probably would have said, "life's good, just normal, nothing going on." It was the truth. Now, however, I feel inclined to honestly answer the question by saying, "life's a little bit messy right now."
What has made life messy? I think a lot of it has to do with our desire to start the process of adopting a baby. Exciting, right?! It's also made us think a lot about our current situation and how there are quite a few things that need to change before we can have the "ideal" living environment.
1. Jenni needs a job that pays her enough to cover our monthly expenses and have a little left over to pay for a new baby.
2. It would be great to have more space to house a baby and college students.
3. Family concerns have made us realize just how hard it is going to be to raise an adopted child and to answer questions like, "why would you adopt, isn't that risky?"
It's easy for me to allow all those things to build into giant stress monsters, but God has graciously reminded me that I have nothing to worry about. He is always in control and knows our situation better than anyone. This is where the beautiful part comes in - there are so many things we have to be thankful for.
1. Jenni has a job! And she is able to provide for the majority of our monthly expenses. We've also been blessed with a decent-sized savings account to help with the rest. And, praise the Lord, Jeff has the opportunity to finish school right now so he can do something he loves later on to provide for our family.
2. We own a house! And our monthly mortgage payments are sooo cheap. We have been blessed with the opportunity to live with some really awesome guys the past year and a half. God has revealed to us our heart for community and our desire to love people by sharing our space with them. We hope to continue having people live with us even when there is a baby here.
3. Adoption will be hard at times. Parenting is hard at times. But it will also be so great! We'll have to learn how to have grace for those that don't understand adoption. We'll also get to share how much of a blessing it is, even with all the "risks" and how we hope to do it over again and again.
So that is what's on my mind this morning. I truly am living in a "beautiful mess" and my prayer is that God keeps me focused on the "beautiful" part of that. I'll leave with the words of that other song I was listening to, because it so clearly describes the reason why I am able to keep on keeping on every day.
_____________________________________________________________________________
You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
You are everything that I breathe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart
_____________________________________________________________________________
Nice.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Brave
We're entering the early stages of adoption - processing what to do, when to do, and how. There are A LOT of paths we could take and, while we have an idea of what we'd like to do, we are trying to stay open to all possibilities God might have for us.
One possibility is bringing in the children of women living on the streets in order to provide quality, loving care for their little ones while those moms sort through tough decisions about how they are going to live their lives and how they are going to take care of their children. This may or may not lead to adoption, the mission is more focused on loving those kids and their mama - hoping that she'll make the right choices and be the loving family those babies need.
The idea of bringing in “street babies” is noble but scary. It would be very difficult to work with kids who have experienced things I can’t even dream of. And then even more difficult to send them back into that environment, once Mom gets back on her feet. But after watching a video for one of the ministries that does this and seeing the faces of these babies, I don’t know how anyone would not be moved to want to help. The opportunity to give them real, genuine love during the vital parts of their developing years would be a privilege and a blessing to all. That time would be something those kids would take with them forever, that could possibly change their lives.
I heard Nicole Nordeman’s song “Brave” on the radio yesterday and started thinking about her words, “you make me want to be brave.” I don’t know what the song is about but I started to think about who I could say such a phrase to. I don’t believe I am a very brave person, I’m pretty scrawny and not too confident in my ability to defend or protect. Jeff doesn’t make me want to be brave, because he’s brave – he protects me so I don’t feel I have to be that for him. The same with Jesus, he’s brave, he’s my defender, so I don’t feel that I need to be the brave one.
But what about my babies. Who is their defender? Jesus, of course. But here on earth, who is going to protect them? Jeff will, but there will be times when I’m with our babies alone – and I’m going to need to be brave. I’m going to need to stand up for them and defend them spiritually, emotionally, and possibly even physically. I don’t feel ready in any way, shape, or form to take on such a task. But then, when I look at their faces, I can easily say, “you make me want to be brave.”
Help me brave, Lord.
One possibility is bringing in the children of women living on the streets in order to provide quality, loving care for their little ones while those moms sort through tough decisions about how they are going to live their lives and how they are going to take care of their children. This may or may not lead to adoption, the mission is more focused on loving those kids and their mama - hoping that she'll make the right choices and be the loving family those babies need.
The idea of bringing in “street babies” is noble but scary. It would be very difficult to work with kids who have experienced things I can’t even dream of. And then even more difficult to send them back into that environment, once Mom gets back on her feet. But after watching a video for one of the ministries that does this and seeing the faces of these babies, I don’t know how anyone would not be moved to want to help. The opportunity to give them real, genuine love during the vital parts of their developing years would be a privilege and a blessing to all. That time would be something those kids would take with them forever, that could possibly change their lives.
I heard Nicole Nordeman’s song “Brave” on the radio yesterday and started thinking about her words, “you make me want to be brave.” I don’t know what the song is about but I started to think about who I could say such a phrase to. I don’t believe I am a very brave person, I’m pretty scrawny and not too confident in my ability to defend or protect. Jeff doesn’t make me want to be brave, because he’s brave – he protects me so I don’t feel I have to be that for him. The same with Jesus, he’s brave, he’s my defender, so I don’t feel that I need to be the brave one.
But what about my babies. Who is their defender? Jesus, of course. But here on earth, who is going to protect them? Jeff will, but there will be times when I’m with our babies alone – and I’m going to need to be brave. I’m going to need to stand up for them and defend them spiritually, emotionally, and possibly even physically. I don’t feel ready in any way, shape, or form to take on such a task. But then, when I look at their faces, I can easily say, “you make me want to be brave.”
Help me brave, Lord.
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